Five simple tips to change your financial future

Money. It is an absolute necessity in life.

I was raised in a religious household where I was taught to never "put money on a pedestal." We did keep it off of the pedestal. In fact, we kept it out of the spotlight and discussion entirely. My parents never taught me how to be responsible with money and I was sent out into the world with limited financial knowledge. Even my whole college education was funded through student loans.

In my previous marriage, my ex husband did all of the finances and money was very important to him. It's all I ever remember him talking about. This conflicted with my childhood because it was such a "hush hush" topic in our household. This caused a deep conflict for me. As a result, I avoided money discussions in general. During my divorce, we split the money we had and I blew it all on partying, shopping, and having fun. I stopped paying my student loans and accumulated more debt.

I don't blame anyone for my bad choices, but I really do believe education is key. I realize that I did not make good choices, and now I am paying for it. That's okay! We all learn from our mistakes.

A year after I re-married, my husband and I are still working to dig out of a financial hole that we both created. Debt and lack of planning caused our current situation. While we have made some progress and our situation has improved, we still have a ways to go. We are learning a lot along the way.

In a way, I am thankful for this experience because it has taught me that you can always turn around even when your financial future looks bleak. It has made us stronger and more determined to ensure our children do not have a similar future.

I want to share a few tips that I wish someone had told me a long time ago. I believe these are life changing lessons that I know we plan to pass on to our children.

1. Money is not a "hush hush" topic. Growing up, it was rude to talk about money. All I ever knew is that my parents didn't have any. In this house, we openly talk about upcoming expenses and our budget. If one of the kids has a question about money, we will answer it. We are all in this together and honesty and transparency is key. I believe this should be the new wave of the future for all families.
2. "No" is not a bad word. When the kids ask for something we have not planned for, we will tell them "it's not in the budget." In other words - we tell them "no." On the flip side of that, we explain that if they save their own money or if we plan for something as a family, it may be a possible purchase later. It's not bad to tell your kids (or yourself) no when you don't have the money.
3. Debt is a BAD WORD.  When my parents sent me to college, I spent every year in the financial aid office signing on the dotted line for student loans. When I went to college, I signed up for credit cards and bought something "when I wanted it." As an adult, I used credit cards to pay for trips and clothes. We are now working very hard now to clean up this mess. Somedays it feels like we will never dig out of this hole, but with budgeting (see #5) and deciding not to accumulate more debt - I know it is possible that we will get there. You can't keep digging if you continue to throw dirt in the hole!
4. Spontaneity has a price tag. When I try hard to remember what I purchased with a credit card, I can never remember. It's possible that I made a purely emotional purchase or I was trying to "be spontaneous." There is a price tag associated with that each and every time. When you feel like a little "retail therapy" with a credit card, take the time to sit down and think about what is causing you to feel like this. It can prevent a big bill later.
5. Monthly budgets are mandatory. I didn't know how a budget worked until I sat down with my husband last year and walked through our first one. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was. We know where our dollars are going and even using a cash envelope system (Dave Ramsey style) to purchase items such as food, clothing, and holiday gifts. Budgets are simple and there are several resources available to start one.

I truly believe that if we teach these things to our children and practice each one ourselves, we can turn this economy around one family at a time. That is our goal and we plan to continue to work hard, dig out of this debt, and be a part of that change during the next few years.

Money is not a scary topic. It's a necessary one.

The Biggest Loser: there's more to transformation

Every season that I watch the reality show "The Biggest Loser," I can't help but be moved by it. I know - it's a REALITY SHOW - so I often question the reality of it. Bottom line - we can't deny the underlying premise of the show.

Underneath every contestant there - something is hidden. Personal struggles always come out in to the light and the contestants become vulnerable. Their emotions and physique become a public display during weigh-ins, workouts, and talks with the trainers. At some point in the show, most of the contestants face their fears and struggles and find a way to place each one into their workouts and healthy choices.

That vulnerability word is scary. I can't even imagine what each one of these people may be thinking before going on the show, because they know they will be forced to face their demons. Maybe they think they don't have demons? Maybe they are there because they believe that only their physical appearance and health need total transformations?

As a person who used to be overweight and has often turned to food for comfort, I know that there is more to the transformation than the physical. I believe that the time spent in the gym is as great of therapy as it is for your health. I know that there are times that people are more likely to turn to food than other times. Trust me, I am still working on me  - but knowing that a great workout or a healthy meal will instantly turn my mood and my outlook around is enough to keep me going.

I started this journey about six years ago at one of the most difficult times in my life. I took out my anger and frustration on my workouts (and I still do). I found making my meals at home and planning for most of them gave me a way to take control of a situation I felt like I didn't control. I broke down. I cried. I saw changes. I kept going.

Wherever you start this journey or wherever it leads you, please remember that we are all facing demons of some sort. It's not about identifying and fixing your troubles with exercise - it's about finding a healthy place to transfer your negative - and positive - energy. It is also about being vulnerable and allowing yourself to see that this is a decision for your health and could save your life physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The "Grey Area"

I've always been a person who sees things as black and white, right or wrong, or left and right (you get the point). The grey area has always been an uncomfortable place for me. I don't know what to expect or what will happen in this area. As the oldest child and a self proclaimed "perfectionist," I always have to know what to expect or how everything will play out. If I do something, I have to follow certain steps. Certainly I won't get there if I don't follow every single step, right?

Wrong.

I have learned that this mindset holds me back. It keeps me from finding the courage to take the next step in life. I think it is that way for other people too. Can anyone else out there relate?

Why do many of us feel the need to "play by the rules" and follow the recipe that life has given us? I think that doing so has given many of us a great sense of security, but often that sense of security is false. I can't tell you how many times I have followed everything from steps A-Z only to see that security doesn't exist and I have also wasted time in the process.

I'm not telling you to go out and lie, cheat, or steal in life to get ahead. What I am telling you to do is think outside of the box. If you feel like you need to have a degree before you can truly get started with what you love in life, look at ways to self study and get some practical experience. You can volunteer or even help a friend. If you want to start on a new venture, don't feel like you have to do hours of countless reading and research to start small (I am guilty of this). Read up on those things you are unsure about and get out there and get that hands on experience.

We will all make mistakes and we will all fail. That is what is so scary about the grey area. Fear of failure holds us back. I challenge you to just start doing what you love. Learn from your mistakes. Those mistakes will be the best lessons of all and you won't read about them in a textbook or during your countless hours of research.

Step out. Be smart. Take a chance. Walk around in the grey area. You may be surprised at what you learn and at how far you will go.