Money. It is an absolute necessity in life.
I was raised in a religious household where I was taught to never "put money on a pedestal." We did keep it off of the pedestal. In fact, we kept it out of the spotlight and discussion entirely. My parents never taught me how to be responsible with money and I was sent out into the world with limited financial knowledge. Even my whole college education was funded through student loans.
In my previous marriage, my ex husband did all of the finances and money was very important to him. It's all I ever remember him talking about. This conflicted with my childhood because it was such a "hush hush" topic in our household. This caused a deep conflict for me. As a result, I avoided money discussions in general. During my divorce, we split the money we had and I blew it all on partying, shopping, and having fun. I stopped paying my student loans and accumulated more debt.
I don't blame anyone for my bad choices, but I really do believe education is key. I realize that I did not make good choices, and now I am paying for it. That's okay! We all learn from our mistakes.
A year after I re-married, my husband and I are still working to dig out of a financial hole that we both created. Debt and lack of planning caused our current situation. While we have made some progress and our situation has improved, we still have a ways to go. We are learning a lot along the way.
In a way, I am thankful for this experience because it has taught me that you can always turn around even when your financial future looks bleak. It has made us stronger and more determined to ensure our children do not have a similar future.
I want to share a few tips that I wish someone had told me a long time ago. I believe these are life changing lessons that I know we plan to pass on to our children.
1. Money is not a "hush hush" topic. Growing up, it was rude to talk about money. All I ever knew is that my parents didn't have any. In this house, we openly talk about upcoming expenses and our budget. If one of the kids has a question about money, we will answer it. We are all in this together and honesty and transparency is key. I believe this should be the new wave of the future for all families.
2. "No" is not a bad word. When the kids ask for something we have not planned for, we will tell them "it's not in the budget." In other words - we tell them "no." On the flip side of that, we explain that if they save their own money or if we plan for something as a family, it may be a possible purchase later. It's not bad to tell your kids (or yourself) no when you don't have the money.
3. Debt is a BAD WORD. When my parents sent me to college, I spent every year in the financial aid office signing on the dotted line for student loans. When I went to college, I signed up for credit cards and bought something "when I wanted it." As an adult, I used credit cards to pay for trips and clothes. We are now working very hard now to clean up this mess. Somedays it feels like we will never dig out of this hole, but with budgeting (see #5) and deciding not to accumulate more debt - I know it is possible that we will get there. You can't keep digging if you continue to throw dirt in the hole!
4. Spontaneity has a price tag. When I try hard to remember what I purchased with a credit card, I can never remember. It's possible that I made a purely emotional purchase or I was trying to "be spontaneous." There is a price tag associated with that each and every time. When you feel like a little "retail therapy" with a credit card, take the time to sit down and think about what is causing you to feel like this. It can prevent a big bill later.
5. Monthly budgets are mandatory. I didn't know how a budget worked until I sat down with my husband last year and walked through our first one. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was. We know where our dollars are going and even using a cash envelope system (Dave Ramsey style) to purchase items such as food, clothing, and holiday gifts. Budgets are simple and there are several resources available to start one.
I truly believe that if we teach these things to our children and practice each one ourselves, we can turn this economy around one family at a time. That is our goal and we plan to continue to work hard, dig out of this debt, and be a part of that change during the next few years.
Money is not a scary topic. It's a necessary one.
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