Anger. It is an emotion many of us don't understand because we feel it so intensely. I know all people display this emotion differently. Some hide the anger and let it boil internally. Others act out in a rage.
There are also people who choose to let that anger motivate them and drive change. In my opinion, this is the most productive way to use anger.
I have always reacted quickly when something upsets me. I don't hold it in. I let it go and say and do things that are not always the best at the time. When I do this, I discover that these reactions get me nowhere fast.
The times that I have been angry and allowed it to motivate me to change have been spectacular. I have used anger during a great workout. I have used it stay focused as we work on getting out of debt. I have even used it to become a better parent by not repeating mistakes.
Nobody is perfect and getting angry is only a natural reaction to a bad situation. Anger is healthy if it isn't destructive and you don't let it eat you alive. If you are angry about something in your life, use it as motivation for change. Here are a few steps I have discovered that work for me and may work for you too.
1. Stop and breathe. This one is hard for me. I have a tendency to "say what is on my mind," but does it really get me anywhere in the long run? The answer is no. Stop and breathe. Think about how to process the information you have in a reasonable amount of time. The time you take to process everything makes a world of difference.
2. Then....get fired up. That's right! Get fired up - but not in a way that you will react hastily. Think about what makes you angry about the person or the situation and use it to your benefit. Channel it for an intense workout or to make a serious change in your life.
3. Reflect. Always reflect on the situation. Reflection gives us a chance to learn more about the person or situation and what we could have done differently (or what we could do the same next time). Whenever that "next time" occurs (because it will), remember what you have learned and how to use it for your benefit but still work through the feelings.
Remember that anger is a healthy emotion. The way we choose to react when we have it determines whether it will motivate or deter us from the person we want to be.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Small changes = BIG differences!
Hi. My name is Heather, and I am a procrastinator...
I have spent the majority of my 33 years here on this earth as a procrastinator. I've always enjoyed the "rush" of barely beating that deadline or enjoying other things I loved and saving the things I had to do for the very end. I told people that my background in journalism made me a very "deadline oriented" person, and I love to be driven by those deadlines. Deadlines forced me to get done what I needed to get done.
Then I realized that I was only lying to myself.
Exciting? Hardly. I forgot to tell you about the migraines, the panic attacks, and the overall skyrocketing stress and crankiness that accompanied each of these "deadlines." I put off what I had to do because I knew I could get it done, but it still invaded my every thought and didn't allow me to enjoy life.
This not only included work deadlines. It also included things in my personal life like doing my laundry or making my lunch for the next day. I would wait until last minute every single time and rush around in a frenzy to complete the smallest of tasks. I drove myself and everyone around my crazy.
My husband started noticing I often did this, and began making small, subtle "hints" of doing things earlier. At first I resisted, but then I started using my mornings to do just that.
It has only been about a month, but it has made a world of difference in my sanity and in my life (and everyone around me for that matter)!
I wanted to share some thoughts with you, friends. I often discuss how important exercise and healthy eating is to mental health, but lifestyle also plays a big part. Focusing on small changes in your life make a big difference, too.
1. Don't try to be perfect. For me, procrastination was all about achieving perfection. I thought that if I had "more time" the day before, I would do a better job. Well, life happens. Plan ahead and tackle a big task one piece at a time. It is easy to break it up in to achievable tasks or goals for each day. Perfection is the ultimate time waster. You'll never have that perfect mindset in that perfect place and time. Put forth your best effort in the time you have, and your quality of work will shine through.
2. Use your mornings. I love mornings. I recommend the mornings for exercise, alone time, and working on tasks to meet deadlines.This is my favorite time of day because I am fresh and ready to tackle the world. Also, my husband and kids are asleep so I am not missing out on time with them. If you dread the mornings, try going to bed earlier and having your favorite blend of coffee or tea waiting for you in the morning. Trust me, that is motivation to get out of bed!
3. Say no more often. I used to think that I had to do everything for everyone if they asked. I noticed that when I said yes to tasks I didn't particularly enjoy, I was running over my deadlines and stressing out about it. All I did was waste time talking about how I didn't want to do it instead of doing it! Say no and be okay with it. My friend Angela is a career coach, and she suggests that you don't commit to anything on the spot. Instead, take the time to think about it and get back to the person. I could not agree more.
4. Take one step at a time. If you have a big deadline or goal to reach, break it up in to achievable tasks. In order to make the journey, you must take the first step. Plan out what you are going to do, when you are going to do it, and how much time you have to complete it. As you complete each step, check it off of your list. Be proud of yourself for each small achievement that moves you towards your goal or deadline.
5. Be flexible. As a parent, this one is definitely important! If you have an early morning planned to complete one of your tasks and your child wakes up early, take it in stride and spend time with your child. I used to get upset when anyone or anything messed up what I had planned, but then realized that time with the kids was far more important than anything else. This is also how I learned not to save things until last minute! If the task was small and achievable (see #4), I could always work on it later in the day or even combine it with what I had planned for the next morning.
There will be times that we have to crash on a huge deadline or pull an all nighter, but my goal is to ensure that those are few and far between. From my experience, taking the time to plan ahead saves a lot of headache later. I feel lighter, happier, and more in control of the outcome. The payoff is definitely worth it if you just give it a try!
I have spent the majority of my 33 years here on this earth as a procrastinator. I've always enjoyed the "rush" of barely beating that deadline or enjoying other things I loved and saving the things I had to do for the very end. I told people that my background in journalism made me a very "deadline oriented" person, and I love to be driven by those deadlines. Deadlines forced me to get done what I needed to get done.
Then I realized that I was only lying to myself.
Exciting? Hardly. I forgot to tell you about the migraines, the panic attacks, and the overall skyrocketing stress and crankiness that accompanied each of these "deadlines." I put off what I had to do because I knew I could get it done, but it still invaded my every thought and didn't allow me to enjoy life.
This not only included work deadlines. It also included things in my personal life like doing my laundry or making my lunch for the next day. I would wait until last minute every single time and rush around in a frenzy to complete the smallest of tasks. I drove myself and everyone around my crazy.
My husband started noticing I often did this, and began making small, subtle "hints" of doing things earlier. At first I resisted, but then I started using my mornings to do just that.
It has only been about a month, but it has made a world of difference in my sanity and in my life (and everyone around me for that matter)!
I wanted to share some thoughts with you, friends. I often discuss how important exercise and healthy eating is to mental health, but lifestyle also plays a big part. Focusing on small changes in your life make a big difference, too.
1. Don't try to be perfect. For me, procrastination was all about achieving perfection. I thought that if I had "more time" the day before, I would do a better job. Well, life happens. Plan ahead and tackle a big task one piece at a time. It is easy to break it up in to achievable tasks or goals for each day. Perfection is the ultimate time waster. You'll never have that perfect mindset in that perfect place and time. Put forth your best effort in the time you have, and your quality of work will shine through.
2. Use your mornings. I love mornings. I recommend the mornings for exercise, alone time, and working on tasks to meet deadlines.This is my favorite time of day because I am fresh and ready to tackle the world. Also, my husband and kids are asleep so I am not missing out on time with them. If you dread the mornings, try going to bed earlier and having your favorite blend of coffee or tea waiting for you in the morning. Trust me, that is motivation to get out of bed!
3. Say no more often. I used to think that I had to do everything for everyone if they asked. I noticed that when I said yes to tasks I didn't particularly enjoy, I was running over my deadlines and stressing out about it. All I did was waste time talking about how I didn't want to do it instead of doing it! Say no and be okay with it. My friend Angela is a career coach, and she suggests that you don't commit to anything on the spot. Instead, take the time to think about it and get back to the person. I could not agree more.
4. Take one step at a time. If you have a big deadline or goal to reach, break it up in to achievable tasks. In order to make the journey, you must take the first step. Plan out what you are going to do, when you are going to do it, and how much time you have to complete it. As you complete each step, check it off of your list. Be proud of yourself for each small achievement that moves you towards your goal or deadline.
5. Be flexible. As a parent, this one is definitely important! If you have an early morning planned to complete one of your tasks and your child wakes up early, take it in stride and spend time with your child. I used to get upset when anyone or anything messed up what I had planned, but then realized that time with the kids was far more important than anything else. This is also how I learned not to save things until last minute! If the task was small and achievable (see #4), I could always work on it later in the day or even combine it with what I had planned for the next morning.
There will be times that we have to crash on a huge deadline or pull an all nighter, but my goal is to ensure that those are few and far between. From my experience, taking the time to plan ahead saves a lot of headache later. I feel lighter, happier, and more in control of the outcome. The payoff is definitely worth it if you just give it a try!
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