Acceptance

My mind races at a speed that I can't slow down. Every time I sit down, I feel like I have to be doing something or that I have to be saying something. I can't be still. I can't. I have tried, but I just can't.

I used to get in trouble for talking in class in school. I never listened. I interrupted constantly. I have to repeat something to myself just to remember it.

I began thinking I had something seriously wrong with me. Square peg - round hole. I must be chiseled to fit into that round hole, right? I must find out what is wrong with me - I must fix ME.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I took a test that indicated I had it. The giveaway? I didn't even read the instructions before I took the test, so rushing over the instructions and jumping into the test was first sign (supposedly).

I tried medication. It messed with me. It made me slow down. I slurred my words. Time passed way too slowly. I felt like I was in a haze where my mind couldn't even process entire thoughts anymore. Some would say that it worked, but I didn't think so. I quit the meds cold turkey after a few months and got back to the gym. The withdrawals from quitting cold turkey were hard, but the workouts felt great. Expending that amount of energy helped me feel great. That is who I am - I need that release!

You see, even if I have ADD (or not) there is only so much I can control. I can't stop my mind from racing. I can control what I eat and how often I exercise. It helps, but I wouldn't say it makes me completely "normal" by society's standards.

I have just had to accept that this is who I am. I have to do a million things at once. I have to get overwhelmed and re-prioritize, because that is how I set my own structure. This is how I test my limits and I have learned I am not like everyone else. Society's standards and structure just don't work for me.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I have had to learn to love that acceptance of myself. No person or no medication can change who I am. As people, all we can do in this life is work with what we have. We are individuals for a reason and each of us has something to offer the world.

If you're struggling, remember to surround yourself with the people who accept you and let your light shine. The struggle won't last forever, but the lessons you learn from it will.