Anger. It is an emotion many of us don't understand because we feel it so intensely. I know all people display this emotion differently. Some hide the anger and let it boil internally. Others act out in a rage.
There are also people who choose to let that anger motivate them and drive change. In my opinion, this is the most productive way to use anger.
I have always reacted quickly when something upsets me. I don't hold it in. I let it go and say and do things that are not always the best at the time. When I do this, I discover that these reactions get me nowhere fast.
The times that I have been angry and allowed it to motivate me to change have been spectacular. I have used anger during a great workout. I have used it stay focused as we work on getting out of debt. I have even used it to become a better parent by not repeating mistakes.
Nobody is perfect and getting angry is only a natural reaction to a bad situation. Anger is healthy if it isn't destructive and you don't let it eat you alive. If you are angry about something in your life, use it as motivation for change. Here are a few steps I have discovered that work for me and may work for you too.
1. Stop and breathe. This one is hard for me. I have a tendency to "say what is on my mind," but does it really get me anywhere in the long run? The answer is no. Stop and breathe. Think about how to process the information you have in a reasonable amount of time. The time you take to process everything makes a world of difference.
2. Then....get fired up. That's right! Get fired up - but not in a way that you will react hastily. Think about what makes you angry about the person or the situation and use it to your benefit. Channel it for an intense workout or to make a serious change in your life.
3. Reflect. Always reflect on the situation. Reflection gives us a chance to learn more about the person or situation and what we could have done differently (or what we could do the same next time). Whenever that "next time" occurs (because it will), remember what you have learned and how to use it for your benefit but still work through the feelings.
Remember that anger is a healthy emotion. The way we choose to react when we have it determines whether it will motivate or deter us from the person we want to be.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Small changes = BIG differences!
Hi. My name is Heather, and I am a procrastinator...
I have spent the majority of my 33 years here on this earth as a procrastinator. I've always enjoyed the "rush" of barely beating that deadline or enjoying other things I loved and saving the things I had to do for the very end. I told people that my background in journalism made me a very "deadline oriented" person, and I love to be driven by those deadlines. Deadlines forced me to get done what I needed to get done.
Then I realized that I was only lying to myself.
Exciting? Hardly. I forgot to tell you about the migraines, the panic attacks, and the overall skyrocketing stress and crankiness that accompanied each of these "deadlines." I put off what I had to do because I knew I could get it done, but it still invaded my every thought and didn't allow me to enjoy life.
This not only included work deadlines. It also included things in my personal life like doing my laundry or making my lunch for the next day. I would wait until last minute every single time and rush around in a frenzy to complete the smallest of tasks. I drove myself and everyone around my crazy.
My husband started noticing I often did this, and began making small, subtle "hints" of doing things earlier. At first I resisted, but then I started using my mornings to do just that.
It has only been about a month, but it has made a world of difference in my sanity and in my life (and everyone around me for that matter)!
I wanted to share some thoughts with you, friends. I often discuss how important exercise and healthy eating is to mental health, but lifestyle also plays a big part. Focusing on small changes in your life make a big difference, too.
1. Don't try to be perfect. For me, procrastination was all about achieving perfection. I thought that if I had "more time" the day before, I would do a better job. Well, life happens. Plan ahead and tackle a big task one piece at a time. It is easy to break it up in to achievable tasks or goals for each day. Perfection is the ultimate time waster. You'll never have that perfect mindset in that perfect place and time. Put forth your best effort in the time you have, and your quality of work will shine through.
2. Use your mornings. I love mornings. I recommend the mornings for exercise, alone time, and working on tasks to meet deadlines.This is my favorite time of day because I am fresh and ready to tackle the world. Also, my husband and kids are asleep so I am not missing out on time with them. If you dread the mornings, try going to bed earlier and having your favorite blend of coffee or tea waiting for you in the morning. Trust me, that is motivation to get out of bed!
3. Say no more often. I used to think that I had to do everything for everyone if they asked. I noticed that when I said yes to tasks I didn't particularly enjoy, I was running over my deadlines and stressing out about it. All I did was waste time talking about how I didn't want to do it instead of doing it! Say no and be okay with it. My friend Angela is a career coach, and she suggests that you don't commit to anything on the spot. Instead, take the time to think about it and get back to the person. I could not agree more.
4. Take one step at a time. If you have a big deadline or goal to reach, break it up in to achievable tasks. In order to make the journey, you must take the first step. Plan out what you are going to do, when you are going to do it, and how much time you have to complete it. As you complete each step, check it off of your list. Be proud of yourself for each small achievement that moves you towards your goal or deadline.
5. Be flexible. As a parent, this one is definitely important! If you have an early morning planned to complete one of your tasks and your child wakes up early, take it in stride and spend time with your child. I used to get upset when anyone or anything messed up what I had planned, but then realized that time with the kids was far more important than anything else. This is also how I learned not to save things until last minute! If the task was small and achievable (see #4), I could always work on it later in the day or even combine it with what I had planned for the next morning.
There will be times that we have to crash on a huge deadline or pull an all nighter, but my goal is to ensure that those are few and far between. From my experience, taking the time to plan ahead saves a lot of headache later. I feel lighter, happier, and more in control of the outcome. The payoff is definitely worth it if you just give it a try!
I have spent the majority of my 33 years here on this earth as a procrastinator. I've always enjoyed the "rush" of barely beating that deadline or enjoying other things I loved and saving the things I had to do for the very end. I told people that my background in journalism made me a very "deadline oriented" person, and I love to be driven by those deadlines. Deadlines forced me to get done what I needed to get done.
Then I realized that I was only lying to myself.
Exciting? Hardly. I forgot to tell you about the migraines, the panic attacks, and the overall skyrocketing stress and crankiness that accompanied each of these "deadlines." I put off what I had to do because I knew I could get it done, but it still invaded my every thought and didn't allow me to enjoy life.
This not only included work deadlines. It also included things in my personal life like doing my laundry or making my lunch for the next day. I would wait until last minute every single time and rush around in a frenzy to complete the smallest of tasks. I drove myself and everyone around my crazy.
My husband started noticing I often did this, and began making small, subtle "hints" of doing things earlier. At first I resisted, but then I started using my mornings to do just that.
It has only been about a month, but it has made a world of difference in my sanity and in my life (and everyone around me for that matter)!
I wanted to share some thoughts with you, friends. I often discuss how important exercise and healthy eating is to mental health, but lifestyle also plays a big part. Focusing on small changes in your life make a big difference, too.
1. Don't try to be perfect. For me, procrastination was all about achieving perfection. I thought that if I had "more time" the day before, I would do a better job. Well, life happens. Plan ahead and tackle a big task one piece at a time. It is easy to break it up in to achievable tasks or goals for each day. Perfection is the ultimate time waster. You'll never have that perfect mindset in that perfect place and time. Put forth your best effort in the time you have, and your quality of work will shine through.
2. Use your mornings. I love mornings. I recommend the mornings for exercise, alone time, and working on tasks to meet deadlines.This is my favorite time of day because I am fresh and ready to tackle the world. Also, my husband and kids are asleep so I am not missing out on time with them. If you dread the mornings, try going to bed earlier and having your favorite blend of coffee or tea waiting for you in the morning. Trust me, that is motivation to get out of bed!
3. Say no more often. I used to think that I had to do everything for everyone if they asked. I noticed that when I said yes to tasks I didn't particularly enjoy, I was running over my deadlines and stressing out about it. All I did was waste time talking about how I didn't want to do it instead of doing it! Say no and be okay with it. My friend Angela is a career coach, and she suggests that you don't commit to anything on the spot. Instead, take the time to think about it and get back to the person. I could not agree more.
4. Take one step at a time. If you have a big deadline or goal to reach, break it up in to achievable tasks. In order to make the journey, you must take the first step. Plan out what you are going to do, when you are going to do it, and how much time you have to complete it. As you complete each step, check it off of your list. Be proud of yourself for each small achievement that moves you towards your goal or deadline.
5. Be flexible. As a parent, this one is definitely important! If you have an early morning planned to complete one of your tasks and your child wakes up early, take it in stride and spend time with your child. I used to get upset when anyone or anything messed up what I had planned, but then realized that time with the kids was far more important than anything else. This is also how I learned not to save things until last minute! If the task was small and achievable (see #4), I could always work on it later in the day or even combine it with what I had planned for the next morning.
There will be times that we have to crash on a huge deadline or pull an all nighter, but my goal is to ensure that those are few and far between. From my experience, taking the time to plan ahead saves a lot of headache later. I feel lighter, happier, and more in control of the outcome. The payoff is definitely worth it if you just give it a try!
Sunday, November 18, 2012
"And last place goes to.....your health?!?" Wrong.
I love fitness and I love healthy eating, but I have noticed one thing. The two go together. You cannot possibly have one without the other. So when I fail to make time for one, I definitely don't make time for the other.
This week, I spent my normal morning workout time trying to "get ahead" of the workloads I had. While I did get ahead, I set my body and mind behind. I worked out only once, and I was lethargic from my poor food choices throughout the week. The worst part? "Getting ahead" didn't make me feel better because I didn't have that work/life balance.
You know where I failed? I didn't have a plan. I believed that if I worked hard to get everything else done, I would have time left for me to plan my workouts and plan my meals. I could not have been more wrong about that. Instead it left me stressed, cranky, and lethargic.
I know we all have responsibilities and I am not saying that we should ignore those. What I am saying is that we should make time for what is important to us. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to feel great every day? If so, make time for it.
This past week was a learning experience. Here are some tips I have used in the past to help me create a plan for myself.
Here is to a healthy and productive week!
This week, I spent my normal morning workout time trying to "get ahead" of the workloads I had. While I did get ahead, I set my body and mind behind. I worked out only once, and I was lethargic from my poor food choices throughout the week. The worst part? "Getting ahead" didn't make me feel better because I didn't have that work/life balance.
You know where I failed? I didn't have a plan. I believed that if I worked hard to get everything else done, I would have time left for me to plan my workouts and plan my meals. I could not have been more wrong about that. Instead it left me stressed, cranky, and lethargic.
I know we all have responsibilities and I am not saying that we should ignore those. What I am saying is that we should make time for what is important to us. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to feel great every day? If so, make time for it.
This past week was a learning experience. Here are some tips I have used in the past to help me create a plan for myself.
- Plan your workouts at the beginning of the week. Put it in your calendar or in your workout journal. Write it down and make an appointment with yourself. Write down the specific time and workout you intend to do, and chances are - you will do it. I have found that the mornings are the best time for me to workout, because that is when my kids and husband are sleeping and I am not making excuses in the evening because I want to spend time with them. Do what works for you and your schedule. Any type of exercise is better than no exercise. Use your house and the outdoors - you don't need to join a gym.
- Go to bed earlier. I cannot stress how important this one is! I speak from personal experience. All week, I got about 6 hours of sleep a night. Do you think I wanted to get out of bed in the morning? Heck no! I didn't and as a result, I did not work out. Tell yourself and your family when you plan to go to bed and do it. Write it down if you have to. Sleep is necessary. Trust me, I know if you have kids - you may have to make an exception every now and then (middle of the night bad dreams, etc.), but stick to your plan when those exceptions don't occur.
- Pack your lunch and workout clothes the night before. I love this one, mostly because when I do it I do not feel rushed in the mornings after my workout. I pack healthier meals and know that I am ready for my workout. Nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals, and my excuses for "no time" in the morning are now obsolete.
- Say NO more often. This is a big one. I am a planner, and I am not that spontaneous. That is okay! You know why? My health and the health of my family both come first and foremost. If I take care of myself, I take great care of my family. We keep our routines and everyone is happy. I am not saying you can't break the rules every now and then and have a little fun, but do it within reason and not at the expense of your own health or rest.
- Relax! I forget about this one more often than I care to admit. It is good to just sit down and zone out with a good book or snuggles with your kiddos or signifcant other. Our bodies were not built to be results-producing machines 24/7. We need to relax and we need to accept that it is okay to do that. When we rest, we give our bodies a chance to appreciate a good workout or those busy times during the week.
Here is to a healthy and productive week!
Sunday, November 4, 2012
It's time to jump
"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be
overcome first." ~Anonymous
How many times have we saved something that we want to do for when the opportunity is "perfect?" Once we have waited long enough, how many more excuses do we make to keep putting off what our hearts desire and who we long to be?
I have been thinking a lot about procrastination lately. Mostly because I am guilty of it. There are a few things that I have been "planning" for and putting off because...well...I don't know exactly why. I think it is fear. I think I fear jumping because of failure. I feel like my attempts will be a joke and will not be taken seriously. I'm scared at what might happen if I go outside of my head knowledge and actually take action.
I read and study books that tell me "how." Maybe this is what keeps me from moving forward. I tell myself that if I read enough and if I get enough information, then I will be ready. The conditions will be perfect and I won't fail. I psych myself up to do something that I truly believe in only to fall short at times. I know I am capable, but I don't know how far that will take me once I step out and make it happen.
I don't feel like I am alone here.
So many of us want to wait until we have just enough money, we know just enough people, or we are perfectly stable in our careers and in our lives. We want to conduct these experiments in perfect conditions. The truth of the matter is that nothing is perfect. Nothing is promised. Life is not guaranteed and neither are the chances we take (or don't take) while we are here.
What we know can only take us so far. What we do will be a true test of character.
I challenge you, dear friend, to take that chance that you have been thinking about and planning for. Even if it is scary, just do something to move you in that direction. Put the fear aside and know that whatever the outcome, you will still land on your feet. I promise that I will too. We can jump in together holding hands. Life will continue on and we will be okay.
How many times have we saved something that we want to do for when the opportunity is "perfect?" Once we have waited long enough, how many more excuses do we make to keep putting off what our hearts desire and who we long to be?
I have been thinking a lot about procrastination lately. Mostly because I am guilty of it. There are a few things that I have been "planning" for and putting off because...well...I don't know exactly why. I think it is fear. I think I fear jumping because of failure. I feel like my attempts will be a joke and will not be taken seriously. I'm scared at what might happen if I go outside of my head knowledge and actually take action.
I read and study books that tell me "how." Maybe this is what keeps me from moving forward. I tell myself that if I read enough and if I get enough information, then I will be ready. The conditions will be perfect and I won't fail. I psych myself up to do something that I truly believe in only to fall short at times. I know I am capable, but I don't know how far that will take me once I step out and make it happen.
I don't feel like I am alone here.
So many of us want to wait until we have just enough money, we know just enough people, or we are perfectly stable in our careers and in our lives. We want to conduct these experiments in perfect conditions. The truth of the matter is that nothing is perfect. Nothing is promised. Life is not guaranteed and neither are the chances we take (or don't take) while we are here.
What we know can only take us so far. What we do will be a true test of character.
I challenge you, dear friend, to take that chance that you have been thinking about and planning for. Even if it is scary, just do something to move you in that direction. Put the fear aside and know that whatever the outcome, you will still land on your feet. I promise that I will too. We can jump in together holding hands. Life will continue on and we will be okay.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Save money and eat healthy during the week!
Americans spend a lot of money on food and coffee every year. We are social creatures who love to spend time with each other and connect over food and drinks. From lunches to coffeehouse meetings, it can all become expensive. I compiled some of my thoughts, best practices, and experiences while our family has been on a journey to becoming debt free. With a little planning and communication, you can save some money and lose a few pounds in the process too!
1. Make your own lunch.
According to the Huffington Post, Americans spend close to $2,000 a year eating out at lunch during the workweek. After reading that, this tip goes without saying. Plan a shopping trip and purchase foods that are easy to pack such as sandwiches, salads, and fruits and veggies. Make your lunch the night before if you can to save time in the morning. If you go to work without a plan or a packed lunch, you will be tempted to “grab something,” which can result in spending too much money and eating way too many calories. Think of how much you will save your pocketbook and your waistline!
2. Don’t eat two helpings at dinner.
If you get bored with your food easily like I do, this tip is for you when making your own lunch. Did you have a delicious soup for dinner? How about a casserole? Was there anything salvageable for dinner? Soups and casseroles can go a long way. Get creative when you make your lunch the next day and reuse the leftovers. If you have the urge to have a second helping at dinner, fill up on fruits and veggies instead. You will save time and money the next day, and your waistline will also thank you.
3. Pack a “picnic lunch” for lunch with friends.
I have to credit a good friend for this idea! Lunch with friends is always a great idea, so why not pack your lunch and meet up with them at an agreed upon location? The park is always nice. If the weather is too cold, maybe you could open up your house for a lunch meeting. It is nice to get out of the office and enjoy each other’s company on your terms and not the restaurant’s. All it takes is a little planning (see items 1 and 2 above) and communication with your friends.
4. Make your own coffee at home.
I used to think I was single-handedly keeping our local coffee shop in business with my morning caffeine fix. If you are a coffee junkie like me, this can become quite an expensive habit! Once I started watching my dollars and cents, I noticed I was spending close to $60 a month on coffee. After picking myself up off the floor, I made a small upfront investment in portable coffee cups. Also, I started buying bulk coffee at the grocery store and using our single serve coffee machine. Mix this with a little creamer or almond milk and you have the potential for some great coffee. Be careful with the creamer if you are watching your calories though – it can quickly add up. Do you want to have coffee with friends? See item 3 above and replace “picnic lunch” with “picnic coffee.” Remember to still treat yourself to a gourmet coffee once in a while, but don’t make it a daily habit.
5. Pack nutritious snacks.
Does your tummy start grumbling around mid-morning like mine does? How about that mid-afternoon slump? There is a lot to be said about packing your own snacks. Some ideas include Greek yogurt, fresh fruit, granola, protein bars, or sliced veggies and hummus to name a few. If you have friends in the office, alternate weeks where one of you brings a community fruit or veggie tray at the beginning of each week to share. Make sure either of these options include snacks you will eat so you are not tempted to run to the vending machine and purchase empty calories at a marked up price.
With a little bit of planning, each of these practical ideas can make your dollar stretch and your waistline shrink!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
"Escape"-ing debt
This past week, our family made a very difficult decision. It wasn't a sudden decision. In fact, we spent a month coordinating schedules and practicing with one vehicle.
We sold the orange Ford Escape.
I loved this SUV. It was the first vehicle I "bought" on my own. In all actuality, I didn't purchase it myself because I had a loan on it. As an Oklahoma State grad, I loved the color and proudly drove it around. After my husband and I started dating, the vehicle transitioned to a fun and reliable family vehicle that we all grew to love. It had equity though, and we were ready to pay off more debt and get rid of another loan.
*POOF!* Just like that, $5,500 in debt was gone along with the SUV.
It was a sad day, but we all knew that it would only benefit us moving forward. My husband and I talk about how one day we will pay cash for a nice, used vehicle. Maybe another Escape with leather seats? Maybe a sports car? The possibilities are endless. For now, we have a duty. That duty is to become debt free and build a solid financial future for our family.
Goodbye, dear Escape. You were more than "just a vehicle" to us. You are now part of the "Escape" from the chains of debt.
We sold the orange Ford Escape.
I loved this SUV. It was the first vehicle I "bought" on my own. In all actuality, I didn't purchase it myself because I had a loan on it. As an Oklahoma State grad, I loved the color and proudly drove it around. After my husband and I started dating, the vehicle transitioned to a fun and reliable family vehicle that we all grew to love. It had equity though, and we were ready to pay off more debt and get rid of another loan.
*POOF!* Just like that, $5,500 in debt was gone along with the SUV.
It was a sad day, but we all knew that it would only benefit us moving forward. My husband and I talk about how one day we will pay cash for a nice, used vehicle. Maybe another Escape with leather seats? Maybe a sports car? The possibilities are endless. For now, we have a duty. That duty is to become debt free and build a solid financial future for our family.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Acceptance
My mind races at a speed that I can't slow down. Every time I sit down, I feel like I have to be doing something or that I have to be saying something. I can't be still. I can't. I have tried, but I just can't.
I used to get in trouble for talking in class in school. I never listened. I interrupted constantly. I have to repeat something to myself just to remember it.
I began thinking I had something seriously wrong with me. Square peg - round hole. I must be chiseled to fit into that round hole, right? I must find out what is wrong with me - I must fix ME.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I took a test that indicated I had it. The giveaway? I didn't even read the instructions before I took the test, so rushing over the instructions and jumping into the test was first sign (supposedly).
I tried medication. It messed with me. It made me slow down. I slurred my words. Time passed way too slowly. I felt like I was in a haze where my mind couldn't even process entire thoughts anymore. Some would say that it worked, but I didn't think so. I quit the meds cold turkey after a few months and got back to the gym. The withdrawals from quitting cold turkey were hard, but the workouts felt great. Expending that amount of energy helped me feel great. That is who I am - I need that release!
You see, even if I have ADD (or not) there is only so much I can control. I can't stop my mind from racing. I can control what I eat and how often I exercise. It helps, but I wouldn't say it makes me completely "normal" by society's standards.
I have just had to accept that this is who I am. I have to do a million things at once. I have to get overwhelmed and re-prioritize, because that is how I set my own structure. This is how I test my limits and I have learned I am not like everyone else. Society's standards and structure just don't work for me.
Why am I telling you this? Well, because I have had to learn to love that acceptance of myself. No person or no medication can change who I am. As people, all we can do in this life is work with what we have. We are individuals for a reason and each of us has something to offer the world.
If you're struggling, remember to surround yourself with the people who accept you and let your light shine. The struggle won't last forever, but the lessons you learn from it will.
I used to get in trouble for talking in class in school. I never listened. I interrupted constantly. I have to repeat something to myself just to remember it.
I began thinking I had something seriously wrong with me. Square peg - round hole. I must be chiseled to fit into that round hole, right? I must find out what is wrong with me - I must fix ME.
A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I took a test that indicated I had it. The giveaway? I didn't even read the instructions before I took the test, so rushing over the instructions and jumping into the test was first sign (supposedly).
I tried medication. It messed with me. It made me slow down. I slurred my words. Time passed way too slowly. I felt like I was in a haze where my mind couldn't even process entire thoughts anymore. Some would say that it worked, but I didn't think so. I quit the meds cold turkey after a few months and got back to the gym. The withdrawals from quitting cold turkey were hard, but the workouts felt great. Expending that amount of energy helped me feel great. That is who I am - I need that release!
You see, even if I have ADD (or not) there is only so much I can control. I can't stop my mind from racing. I can control what I eat and how often I exercise. It helps, but I wouldn't say it makes me completely "normal" by society's standards.
I have just had to accept that this is who I am. I have to do a million things at once. I have to get overwhelmed and re-prioritize, because that is how I set my own structure. This is how I test my limits and I have learned I am not like everyone else. Society's standards and structure just don't work for me.
Why am I telling you this? Well, because I have had to learn to love that acceptance of myself. No person or no medication can change who I am. As people, all we can do in this life is work with what we have. We are individuals for a reason and each of us has something to offer the world.
If you're struggling, remember to surround yourself with the people who accept you and let your light shine. The struggle won't last forever, but the lessons you learn from it will.
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