The Biggest Loser: there's more to transformation

Every season that I watch the reality show "The Biggest Loser," I can't help but be moved by it. I know - it's a REALITY SHOW - so I often question the reality of it. Bottom line - we can't deny the underlying premise of the show.

Underneath every contestant there - something is hidden. Personal struggles always come out in to the light and the contestants become vulnerable. Their emotions and physique become a public display during weigh-ins, workouts, and talks with the trainers. At some point in the show, most of the contestants face their fears and struggles and find a way to place each one into their workouts and healthy choices.

That vulnerability word is scary. I can't even imagine what each one of these people may be thinking before going on the show, because they know they will be forced to face their demons. Maybe they think they don't have demons? Maybe they are there because they believe that only their physical appearance and health need total transformations?

As a person who used to be overweight and has often turned to food for comfort, I know that there is more to the transformation than the physical. I believe that the time spent in the gym is as great of therapy as it is for your health. I know that there are times that people are more likely to turn to food than other times. Trust me, I am still working on me  - but knowing that a great workout or a healthy meal will instantly turn my mood and my outlook around is enough to keep me going.

I started this journey about six years ago at one of the most difficult times in my life. I took out my anger and frustration on my workouts (and I still do). I found making my meals at home and planning for most of them gave me a way to take control of a situation I felt like I didn't control. I broke down. I cried. I saw changes. I kept going.

Wherever you start this journey or wherever it leads you, please remember that we are all facing demons of some sort. It's not about identifying and fixing your troubles with exercise - it's about finding a healthy place to transfer your negative - and positive - energy. It is also about being vulnerable and allowing yourself to see that this is a decision for your health and could save your life physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The "Grey Area"

I've always been a person who sees things as black and white, right or wrong, or left and right (you get the point). The grey area has always been an uncomfortable place for me. I don't know what to expect or what will happen in this area. As the oldest child and a self proclaimed "perfectionist," I always have to know what to expect or how everything will play out. If I do something, I have to follow certain steps. Certainly I won't get there if I don't follow every single step, right?

Wrong.

I have learned that this mindset holds me back. It keeps me from finding the courage to take the next step in life. I think it is that way for other people too. Can anyone else out there relate?

Why do many of us feel the need to "play by the rules" and follow the recipe that life has given us? I think that doing so has given many of us a great sense of security, but often that sense of security is false. I can't tell you how many times I have followed everything from steps A-Z only to see that security doesn't exist and I have also wasted time in the process.

I'm not telling you to go out and lie, cheat, or steal in life to get ahead. What I am telling you to do is think outside of the box. If you feel like you need to have a degree before you can truly get started with what you love in life, look at ways to self study and get some practical experience. You can volunteer or even help a friend. If you want to start on a new venture, don't feel like you have to do hours of countless reading and research to start small (I am guilty of this). Read up on those things you are unsure about and get out there and get that hands on experience.

We will all make mistakes and we will all fail. That is what is so scary about the grey area. Fear of failure holds us back. I challenge you to just start doing what you love. Learn from your mistakes. Those mistakes will be the best lessons of all and you won't read about them in a textbook or during your countless hours of research.

Step out. Be smart. Take a chance. Walk around in the grey area. You may be surprised at what you learn and at how far you will go.

Anger is the best motivator

Anger. It is an emotion many of us don't understand because we feel it so intensely. I know all people display this emotion differently. Some hide the anger and let it boil internally. Others act out in a rage.

There are also people who choose to let that anger motivate them and drive change. In my opinion, this is the most productive way to use anger.

I have always reacted quickly when something upsets me. I don't hold it in. I let it go and say and do things that are not always the best at the time. When I do this, I discover that these reactions get me nowhere fast.

The times that I have been angry and allowed it to motivate me to change have been spectacular. I have used anger during a great workout. I have used it stay focused as we work on getting out of debt. I have even used it to become a better parent by not repeating mistakes.

Nobody is perfect and getting angry is only a natural reaction to a bad situation. Anger is healthy if it isn't destructive and you don't let it eat you alive. If you are angry about something in your life, use it as motivation for change. Here are a few steps I have discovered that work for me and may work for you too.

1. Stop and breathe. This one is hard for me. I have a tendency to "say what is on my mind," but does it really get me  anywhere in the long run? The answer is no. Stop and breathe. Think about how to process the information you have in a reasonable amount of time. The time you take to process everything makes a world of difference.
2. Then....get fired up. That's right! Get fired up - but not in a way that  you will react hastily. Think about what makes you angry about the person or the situation and use it to your benefit. Channel it for an intense workout or to make a serious change in your life.
3. Reflect. Always reflect on the situation. Reflection gives us a chance to learn more about the person or situation and what we could have done differently (or what we could do the same next time). Whenever that "next time" occurs (because it will), remember what you have learned and how to use it for your benefit but still work through the feelings.

Remember that anger is a healthy emotion. The way we choose to react when we have it determines whether it will motivate or deter us from the person we want to be.

"And last place goes to.....your health?!?" Wrong.

I love fitness and I love healthy eating, but I have noticed one thing. The two go together. You cannot possibly have one without the other. So when I fail to make time for one, I definitely don't make time for the other.

This week, I spent my normal morning workout time trying to "get ahead" of the workloads I had. While I did get ahead, I set my body and mind behind. I worked out only once, and I was lethargic from my poor food choices throughout the week. The worst part? "Getting ahead" didn't make me feel better because I didn't have that work/life balance.

You know where I failed? I didn't have a plan. I believed that if I worked hard to get everything else done, I would have time left for me to plan my workouts and plan my meals. I could not have been more wrong about that. Instead it left me stressed, cranky, and lethargic.

I know we all have responsibilities and I am not saying that we should ignore those. What I am saying is that we should make time for what is important to us. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to feel great every day? If so, make time for it.

This past week was a learning experience. Here are some tips I have used in the past to help me create a plan for myself. 

1. Plan your workouts at the beginning of the week. Put it in your calendar or in your workout journal. Write it down and make an appointment with yourself. Write down the specific time and workout you intend to do, and chances are - you will do it. I have found that the mornings are the best time for me to workout, because that is when my kids and husband are sleeping and I am not making excuses in the evening because I want to spend time with them. Do what works for you and your schedule. Any type of exercise is better than no exercise. Use your house and the outdoors - you don't need to join a gym.
2. Go to bed earlier. I cannot stress how important this one is! I speak from personal experience. All week, I got about 6 hours of sleep a night. Do you think I wanted to get out of bed in the morning? Heck no! I didn't and as a result, I did not work out. Tell yourself and your family when you plan to go to bed and do it. Write it down if you have to. Sleep is necessary. Trust me, I know if you have kids - you may have to make an exception every now and then (middle of the night bad dreams, etc.), but stick to your plan when those exceptions don't occur.
3. Pack your lunch and workout clothes the night before. I love this one, mostly because when I do it I do not feel rushed in the mornings after my workout. I pack healthier meals and know that I am ready for my workout. Nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals, and my excuses for "no time" in the morning are now obsolete.
4. Say NO more often. This is a big one. I am a planner, and I am not that spontaneous. That is okay! You know why? My health and the health of my family both come first and foremost. If I take care of myself, I take great care of my family. We keep our routines and everyone is happy. I am not saying you can't break the rules every now and then and have a little fun, but do it within reason and not at the expense of your own health or rest.
5. Relax! I forget about this one more often than I care to admit. It is good to just sit down and zone out with a good book or snuggles with your kiddos or signifcant other. Our bodies were not built to be results-producing machines 24/7. We need to relax and we need to accept that it is okay to do that. When we rest, we give our bodies a chance to appreciate a good workout or those busy times during the week.

Remember - goal setting is important and so is making time for yourself. If you falter from your plan, don't beat yourself up and quit. Learn from it and hop back in the saddle. That is what I intend to do this week.

Here is to a healthy and productive week!

It's time to jump

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be overcome first." ~Anonymous

How many times have we saved something that we want to do for when the opportunity is "perfect?" Once we have waited long enough, how many more excuses do we make to keep putting off what our hearts desire and who we long to be?

I have been thinking a lot about procrastination lately. Mostly because I am guilty of it. There are a few things that I have been "planning" for and putting off because...well...I don't know exactly why. I think it is fear. I think I fear jumping because of failure. I feel like my attempts will be a joke and will not be taken seriously. I'm scared at what might happen if I go outside of my head knowledge and actually take action.

I read and study books that tell me "how." Maybe this is what keeps me from moving forward. I tell myself that if I read enough and if I get enough information, then I will be ready. The conditions will be perfect and I won't fail. I psych myself up to do something that I truly believe in only to fall short at times. I know I am capable, but I don't know how far that will take me once I step out and make it happen.

I don't feel like I am alone here.

So many of us want to wait until we have just enough money, we know just enough people, or we are perfectly stable in our careers and in our lives. We want to conduct these experiments in perfect conditions. The truth of the matter is that nothing is perfect. Nothing is promised. Life is not guaranteed and neither are the chances we take (or don't take) while we are here.

What we know can only take us so far. What we do will be a true test of character.

I challenge you, dear friend, to take that chance that you have been thinking about and planning for. Even if it is scary, just do something to move you in that direction. Put the fear aside and know that whatever the outcome, you will still land on your feet. I promise that I will too. We can jump in together holding hands. Life will continue on and we will be okay.

Loss of love

I haven't written in a while. Part of the reason is because life gets busy. The other part is because I just haven't had it in me. We all go through "droughts" of some type at some point, right? Well, I am back. Bear with me as I attempt to water my words in hopes that they will grow in to something with meaning.

This year has been a year of loss for our family. I don't know the reason this season is upon us, but it has been a lot to bear. We lost one of our best friends on New Year's Day, David lost his grandma, and then I lost my uncle.

In August, we lost our baby.

We went in for my first appointment expecting everything to be normal like it was with our daughter. The whole pregnancy was horrifying from the first ultrasound. I had three sacs which had the potential of being triplets. Two were blighted ovums. One was a baby with no sign of a fetal pole, heartbeat, or anything. We did more ultrasounds. We waited. I had my HCG levels tested and they were dropping. Each time we went in for an ultrasound, instead of progressing - the sac and anything in it was deteriorating.

I opted to have the d&c on August 6 due to the risk of a pretty heavy miscarriage given the situation. I was 9 weeks and 3 days along. I cried when I got there. I cried before they put me under. I cried when I woke up and asked "is it over?"

I felt intense guilt. I was under a large amount of stress due to our schedules, work, and everything else going on during those 9 weeks of pregnancy. I was sick most of the time. I probably didn't rest like I needed to. I blamed myself for it.

There came a point when I realized that it was not my fault. Something was wrong with the pregnancy from the beginning and nature just ran its course. As a mother, that wasn't easy for me to grasp at the time.

My husband and I have both accepted that it just wasn't meant to be. It was painful at first, but that pain is going away. I believe this experience has given us the courage to make some serious life changes that has allowed more time for our family. I now work in town and my husband will be staying home with the girls. We will have freedom and flexibility. The kids will have consistency and love. Even though this experience was painful, I know it wasn't the right time. I learned that we have each other, and that could be gone at any time. The timing is not our own, but what we do as the result of a bad experience determines how our future will be.

RIP Baby Timmons. We will always love you even though we never met you. You have given us so much even though you'll never be here with us. I know you have some pretty amazing angels up there with you.
08/06/2012

A Simple Kind of Life

I have been reading a book about leading a simple life. This life includes a small, but comfortable  home, one vehicle that is paid for, and experiences and memories that will last.

Why didn't I read this book when I was 27?

Here I sit and this book really has me thinking. Look at how much some of us work just to have "stuff." What are we truly sacrificing as a result? Aren't we missing those precious memories with the person we love and with our children? Our friends? Our families? Don't the hands of time fly by way too quickly on this clock of life?

I am working full time in a position that is not an ideal fit for me to pay off "stuff" and mistakes that I made in my past. Debt. Car loans. Student loans. I had to be the life of the party. I had to impress people. I had to have things in the moment, instead of thinking it through.

All of this, and now I just want to be home more with my family.

I feel like I made these mistakes in my past, and now it is affecting what I want out of life. I guess I could look at it that way, or else I could look at it as a lesson. I read today that mistakes are an opportunity to learn. This girl has learned her lesson, and I want this change for my future more than anything. It's been a lot of hard work, but I ultimately feel that it will be worth it.

I know everyone has their own beliefs on how to lead their lives, but I want to ask you to stop and think about one thing. Where could you cut back to make it possible to have more time with the people you love? I have realized that bigger houses, newer cars, and the latest toys don't replace closeness and relationships.

If you feel like the mistakes are too many and it is too late, I promise that it is not. It is a decision to make a change and do something about it. Today. Don't let life fly by in a blur; instead, embrace the slow motion moments and relationships that truly matter.

In the end, those relationships and moments are all we will have. Maybe, just maybe, we all want a simple kind of life.

Stop Where You Are

Life. It rushes by us like a train at full speed, doesn't it? Just when we think we caught our breath and refocused our energies, it whips by us again and we are often left wondering what happened.
I foolishly believed that these times were few and far between, but this year has provided our family with plenty of pain, obstacles, and challenges. From the loss of one of my best friends on New Year's Day to my husband losing his grandma to our daughter in and out of the ER for a few months, it was a lot to process.

All of these events made me think: "Hey - stop where you are. Right now. Just stop. Take everything in because it could be gone tomorrow."

We are often rushing around trying to meet deadlines, schedules, and the timelines. Some of these are from others and some are self imposed. At the end of the day, we are left with very little sanity and peace of mind because of all of it.

Now that the dust from the first half of 2012 is beginning to settle, I am not taking any of it for granted. If I catch myself stressing out or running around, I just stop. Sometimes I breathe. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I love on my family and friends.

So stop right where you are. Think of everything you have to be thankful for. Realize what you're not happy with and start thinking of ways to make a change.

Breathe.

House or Home?

As I sit here in our 1200 square foot house and type this blog, I ask myself the question "is this house or home?"

Growing up, my family moved frequently. We never settled down in one house and my nature, which craved stability, always found it frustrating. Moving was never an adventure to me; it was never exciting.

Fast forward several years and I am divorced, single, and and living in a small town. I want to buy a house, but to me this is a huge commitment and I don't want in over my head. I choose a small, quaint house with lovely hardwood floors that needs some work and is a the perfect size for me.

I am content here. I am happy. I am doing what I can on my own to fix things up and be proud of it. Then into my life walks my future husband who has a daughter. We date, move in together, have a child, and then get married.

So, here we are three years later in this 1200 square foot house with four of us looking for a little extra room. We have tossed around the idea of moving, but decided to stay put for the next few years. It's tight. It's cramped. There is so much we have to do here, but there are many reasons this feels like home to me.

This is the place where we are learning to be content with what we have. We have a very modest house payment, so we are making a financial decision that will allow us to get ahead in other areas of our lives. We are learning lessons from our mistakes and changing our future with our finances. The girls will share a room for a few years and will have the chance to deepen their already wonderful relationship.

I think, most importantly, this place is only full of memories that we have made. There are no memories from the past, but plenty of dreams for the future.

This place isn't just a house. It's home. It is often hard to see that we could move somewhere with more room, or a bigger yard, or something newer - but for the next few years, this home is where our hearts will be.

The Journey

Patience. This is a word I have always struggled with. I am not incapable of being patient, I just get fired up about certain dreams and I want them to happen. Now. No waiting. Let's just make it happen!

Many times, my "go get 'em" attitude seems very unrealistic. I am the type of person who will do what it takes to get to where I need to be and sometimes I don't really stop to think things through or enjoy the view from where I am at during a specific point in time.

As a kid, I always wanted to be the best and I wanted it right away (who am I kidding - I am still this way). I remember my mom telling me that good things come to those who wait, but waiting....isn't that the painful part?

There are a few areas in my life right now that I have approached that yield sign: namely my career and finances. While neither situation is horrible or unbearable, I still want to be at my five year goal NOW. I have had to step back and realize that the lesson is in the journey. I am learning all of the things that I want in a career by learning what I don't want and I am also learning the value of budgeting and using cash instead of credit. If I look at this last year, I would say that I have done a 180 in both departments.

The ironic thing about all of this is that about three years ago, I was perfectly content with my career and finances but wanted a family. I finally have that. Soon I will be marrying a man who is perfect for me and we have two wonderful girls. I was patient. I let life happen and didn't rush where I was at that point in my life where we met. I learned something. So, given how blessed I am in those areas right now, I am willing to stop and enjoy the view where I am at. 

Perspective. It's amazing, isn't it?

What Other People Think

I used to care a lot about what other people thought about me. From my appearance to my beliefs, I cared way too much.

There were times I used to "primp" twice in one day just to look perfect for an event after working. By working, I mean sitting at a desk all day and not exerting any type of physical energy except typing. I would completely wash my face and my hair and waste hours getting ready just to look "perfect." These days, time is so precious that such an idea is just unfathomable.

Then there were times I would not express my opinions or my thoughts because I knew others wouldn't agree. I would sit in silence and nod, even when I didn't agree with the viewpoints. People would make comments about how I update Facebook too much or that I talked a lot, and I would delete a status or just not participate in conversations.

I think suppressing the real "YOU" is painful. Don't get me wrong, I believe it is important to consider the opinions of others, but I don't believe it should stop YOU from expressing yourself. I don't think that a single hair that is out of place or eyeshadow that has worn off will fail to impress the people who truly matter.

What price are you paying to be concerned about what others think of you? The price tag may be your authenticity.

It's just not worth it.

Welcome to The Friday Latte!

Hello!

Welcome to The Friday Latte - a motivational blog for moms!

Almost a year ago, I became a mom to a beautiful baby girl. My life was turned upside down! All of the things that I thought I knew, I really had no idea about. There were many things in my life that changed as a result: relationships, career, fitness, nutrition, and finance. Oh, let's not forget the BIG change - raising a child!

For the past year, I have written about each of these topics whether it was in my own journal or on Facebook. I believe that as moms, we need to motivate each other in these areas because we often struggle from time to time. I am not saying that I have all of the answers; just that I can relate. I want to share my ideas, thoughts, and experiences with you and hope that you can do the same with me. Through this dialogue, we can help each other during tough times and encourage each other through the good times.

Some of you may be wondering about the name of my blog. Well, my "Friday latte" is one of my favorite things about my week. As a career woman, I look forward to it because it gives me that last "jolt" to push me through a long week of working. As a mom who is trying to become debt-free, it is my treat to myself at the end of the week instead of "treating" myself every day (and you would not believe the cost savings since I only do it once a week!) As a mom who cares about nutrition and fitness, I always order skinny with no sugar and I get my treat without piling on tons of calories.

As you can see, all of these topics relate back to my Friday latte in some way. It's a reminder and a motivator that as a hard-working mom, we still deserve to treat ourselves once in a while.

I hope you enjoy my musings. I tend to write whenever the fancy strikes me, so I would love for you to stay tuned and join in the conversation. I can't wait to talk to and hear from all of you!