Mommy Guilt - Part Deux

Yesterday, I did something I never imagined I would do.

I *gasp* took my daughter to daycare on a Saturday!

The opportunity sounded enticing since her daycare only does this one Saturday a month. I made her reservation three weeks ago and struggled with the decision for a majority of that time. My husband would be home sleeping from working all night and my stepdaughter would be with her mom.

Wow. Think of how much I could get done!

Shame on me! Why did I think that? I thought of how much she would miss me and how I was betraying her. I felt like a horrible mom.

I am in the midst of taking on extra projects in addition to my full time work. It's work that I enjoy, but the payments I make will go straight to our debt so we can get our family out of debt faster. A future of complete freedom is in sight and this is continuously pushing us forward.

The truth is, I got more done yesterday than I had in a long time. Since my husband's schedule is crazy when he works nights and weekends, I rarely have time to focus on anything for an extended period of time due to my own work schedule and the kids. I was so productive with my own time yesterday because I knew I had very little of it. It was an amazing lesson for me!

When I picked up my daughter, I couldn't wait. I had missed her terribly, but felt very relaxed from all that I accomplished and even had some time to go to the gym while she was there.

The beauty of it all? She survived. She was in a great mood from playing with her friends all day and I was in a great mood because I had completed so much, and now I could focus on spending my time with her.

So mommies - take it from me. It's not all bad to have someone care for your child while you enjoy a little time or take time to work on projects you love.

Ultimately, you are doing what is best for your family and only you can determine what that is.

Mommy Guilt

Okay moms. You all know we have it.

This morning, I was lacing up my shoes to go for a run when my husband came down with our 14 month old who had just woken up.

"Crap." I thought to myself. I had hoped to run and be back before she even woke up just so that adorable smile didn't twist the knife before I left to take some time for me.

She was ecstatic to see me and she was (of course) absolutely adorable. I gave her a snuggle and thought for a minute that I should spend time with her and not go.

"No." My hubby said. "You go - she will be fine." (Have I mentioned how wonderful he is?)

So, I went for a run and it felt wonderful. I shook the mommy guilt the minute my shoes hit the pavement and I realized that she wouldn't miss me much for those 30 minutes because she was with daddy.

This is just one instance of mommy guilt. The whole concept is new to me, but I still struggle with it daily. Other moms tell me not to have it, but I wonder if they are trying to convince me or themselves.

All I can say is that we cannot be there all of the time and be everything to everyone. If we lose our identity and quit doing the things we love, we will eventually stumble into martyr-ville. I don't want to visit there - ever.

Will the mommy guilt ever go away completely? Probably not. But if we don't take the time for ourselves to re-charge, then we will suffer from guilt at getting short-tempered with the kids.

It's always something, isn't it?

Don't feel guilty about those times you want to take for yourself. You and your family will appreciate it.

When Things Don't Go as Planned....

I have always been a planner. I don't know why or how I was built this way. I have to have things a particular way at a particular time, or it really irritates me. I can't "go with the flow" or "accept things as they come." I never have been able to.

Trust me, I have tried to change my viewpoint on this! I've been given advice such as "just be" or "go with the flow" more times than I can count. As moms, I think a lot of us have a hard time when schedules are shifted or plans change unexpectedly because of the logistics required to get our families back on track. We feel like we are constantly swimming in a sea of deadlines and expectations with no one to bring us to shore.

If you are the same way, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong or that you need to change your viewpoint. It's all really about how you handle the situation when it occurs. It is okay to be upset or bothered by something, but the key is what you learn from it. If I am running late all of the time, maybe I need to take more time to prepare the night before. If I find myself constantly wondering what is for dinner, maybe I need to jot down a recipe and ingredients required once a day until I have next week's list.

There's nothing wrong about being particular with what you want and how you want it. Personally, I think structure is a good thing. It is all about how you handle the fallout. Do you give up or do you learn from it? That is the key question.