Five simple tips to change your financial future

Money. It is an absolute necessity in life.

I was raised in a religious household where I was taught to never "put money on a pedestal." We did keep it off of the pedestal. In fact, we kept it out of the spotlight and discussion entirely. My parents never taught me how to be responsible with money and I was sent out into the world with limited financial knowledge. Even my whole college education was funded through student loans.

In my previous marriage, my ex husband did all of the finances and money was very important to him. It's all I ever remember him talking about. This conflicted with my childhood because it was such a "hush hush" topic in our household. This caused a deep conflict for me. As a result, I avoided money discussions in general. During my divorce, we split the money we had and I blew it all on partying, shopping, and having fun. I stopped paying my student loans and accumulated more debt.

I don't blame anyone for my bad choices, but I really do believe education is key. I realize that I did not make good choices, and now I am paying for it. That's okay! We all learn from our mistakes.

A year after I re-married, my husband and I are still working to dig out of a financial hole that we both created. Debt and lack of planning caused our current situation. While we have made some progress and our situation has improved, we still have a ways to go. We are learning a lot along the way.

In a way, I am thankful for this experience because it has taught me that you can always turn around even when your financial future looks bleak. It has made us stronger and more determined to ensure our children do not have a similar future.

I want to share a few tips that I wish someone had told me a long time ago. I believe these are life changing lessons that I know we plan to pass on to our children.

1. Money is not a "hush hush" topic. Growing up, it was rude to talk about money. All I ever knew is that my parents didn't have any. In this house, we openly talk about upcoming expenses and our budget. If one of the kids has a question about money, we will answer it. We are all in this together and honesty and transparency is key. I believe this should be the new wave of the future for all families.
2. "No" is not a bad word. When the kids ask for something we have not planned for, we will tell them "it's not in the budget." In other words - we tell them "no." On the flip side of that, we explain that if they save their own money or if we plan for something as a family, it may be a possible purchase later. It's not bad to tell your kids (or yourself) no when you don't have the money.
3. Debt is a BAD WORD.  When my parents sent me to college, I spent every year in the financial aid office signing on the dotted line for student loans. When I went to college, I signed up for credit cards and bought something "when I wanted it." As an adult, I used credit cards to pay for trips and clothes. We are now working very hard now to clean up this mess. Somedays it feels like we will never dig out of this hole, but with budgeting (see #5) and deciding not to accumulate more debt - I know it is possible that we will get there. You can't keep digging if you continue to throw dirt in the hole!
4. Spontaneity has a price tag. When I try hard to remember what I purchased with a credit card, I can never remember. It's possible that I made a purely emotional purchase or I was trying to "be spontaneous." There is a price tag associated with that each and every time. When you feel like a little "retail therapy" with a credit card, take the time to sit down and think about what is causing you to feel like this. It can prevent a big bill later.
5. Monthly budgets are mandatory. I didn't know how a budget worked until I sat down with my husband last year and walked through our first one. It wasn't as painful as I thought it was. We know where our dollars are going and even using a cash envelope system (Dave Ramsey style) to purchase items such as food, clothing, and holiday gifts. Budgets are simple and there are several resources available to start one.

I truly believe that if we teach these things to our children and practice each one ourselves, we can turn this economy around one family at a time. That is our goal and we plan to continue to work hard, dig out of this debt, and be a part of that change during the next few years.

Money is not a scary topic. It's a necessary one.

The Biggest Loser: there's more to transformation

Every season that I watch the reality show "The Biggest Loser," I can't help but be moved by it. I know - it's a REALITY SHOW - so I often question the reality of it. Bottom line - we can't deny the underlying premise of the show.

Underneath every contestant there - something is hidden. Personal struggles always come out in to the light and the contestants become vulnerable. Their emotions and physique become a public display during weigh-ins, workouts, and talks with the trainers. At some point in the show, most of the contestants face their fears and struggles and find a way to place each one into their workouts and healthy choices.

That vulnerability word is scary. I can't even imagine what each one of these people may be thinking before going on the show, because they know they will be forced to face their demons. Maybe they think they don't have demons? Maybe they are there because they believe that only their physical appearance and health need total transformations?

As a person who used to be overweight and has often turned to food for comfort, I know that there is more to the transformation than the physical. I believe that the time spent in the gym is as great of therapy as it is for your health. I know that there are times that people are more likely to turn to food than other times. Trust me, I am still working on me  - but knowing that a great workout or a healthy meal will instantly turn my mood and my outlook around is enough to keep me going.

I started this journey about six years ago at one of the most difficult times in my life. I took out my anger and frustration on my workouts (and I still do). I found making my meals at home and planning for most of them gave me a way to take control of a situation I felt like I didn't control. I broke down. I cried. I saw changes. I kept going.

Wherever you start this journey or wherever it leads you, please remember that we are all facing demons of some sort. It's not about identifying and fixing your troubles with exercise - it's about finding a healthy place to transfer your negative - and positive - energy. It is also about being vulnerable and allowing yourself to see that this is a decision for your health and could save your life physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The "Grey Area"

I've always been a person who sees things as black and white, right or wrong, or left and right (you get the point). The grey area has always been an uncomfortable place for me. I don't know what to expect or what will happen in this area. As the oldest child and a self proclaimed "perfectionist," I always have to know what to expect or how everything will play out. If I do something, I have to follow certain steps. Certainly I won't get there if I don't follow every single step, right?

Wrong.

I have learned that this mindset holds me back. It keeps me from finding the courage to take the next step in life. I think it is that way for other people too. Can anyone else out there relate?

Why do many of us feel the need to "play by the rules" and follow the recipe that life has given us? I think that doing so has given many of us a great sense of security, but often that sense of security is false. I can't tell you how many times I have followed everything from steps A-Z only to see that security doesn't exist and I have also wasted time in the process.

I'm not telling you to go out and lie, cheat, or steal in life to get ahead. What I am telling you to do is think outside of the box. If you feel like you need to have a degree before you can truly get started with what you love in life, look at ways to self study and get some practical experience. You can volunteer or even help a friend. If you want to start on a new venture, don't feel like you have to do hours of countless reading and research to start small (I am guilty of this). Read up on those things you are unsure about and get out there and get that hands on experience.

We will all make mistakes and we will all fail. That is what is so scary about the grey area. Fear of failure holds us back. I challenge you to just start doing what you love. Learn from your mistakes. Those mistakes will be the best lessons of all and you won't read about them in a textbook or during your countless hours of research.

Step out. Be smart. Take a chance. Walk around in the grey area. You may be surprised at what you learn and at how far you will go.

What I learned by going vegetarian

Growing up as an Oklahoma girl, my meals were always very meat heavy. Fried chicken, meatloaf, pork chops, sausage - you get the point. My eating habits were very focused on meat and I could eat large portions of meat and even go for seconds!

I started gaining weight in my early 20s and was almost at 200 pounds. I lost weight by working out but never really cut back my portions. I realized I still had a very "meat-centric" mentality. I hardly ate vegetables and really didn't even like many of them. When my husband and I started dating, I tried to give up meat for a little bit but I always went back.

Finally last fall, I watched a few documentaries that grossed me out to the point that I couldn't even touch a piece of meat! (that is for another blog). This was the fuel I needed to finally cut meat seriously down (and practically out) to find other sources of protein and eat more vegetables.

I started trying everything - beans, lentils, spinach, cabbage, cauliflower, tofu - you name it and I tried it! Most of it I liked and I even started craving. I started to feel better and have more energy. I thought all along it was because I cut out the meat.

The truth is - it is not because I cut out the meat.

It is because I was finally getting the nutrients my body needed that it had been missing by focusing on a diet so heavy in meat.

I also started cutting way back on cheese. I always felt sluggish when I ate foods heavy in meat and cheese and now I have more energy since eating more vegetables. It wasn't the meat's fault; it was my limited diversity in food.

With this realization, I decided that I could slowly start incorporating meat back in to my meals again. Not in huge,disgusting portions like before - but in smaller portions. My plate will still be mostly veggies and whole grains and it won't be every single day.

Now I love all types of foods. I feel like I am closer to finding that place where I can have diversity in my foods, have better health, and also limit my meat portions. It has been a learning process for me and my family, and it has been a great one at that!

I would recommend anyone take this challenge - even if it is just cutting out meat from your meals a few times a week. Find alternatives and experience new things. Your body and health will thank you!

The ultimate challenge for a - **SQUIRREL!** - girl who struggles to focus!

Something miraculous happened these past few weeks. I have been incredibly efficient and still had time for my family. I have had time to exercise, plan and pack my meals for work, study for my personal trainer certification, and start teaching a composition class at our local community college in addition to working a full time job.

I'm the type of person who isn't satisfied with just one activity, but I have always found it frustrating that I couldn't accomplish everything that I wanted to. I started doing Chalene Johnson's 30 day push to master organization and achieve your goals. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!

Chalene has an excellent way of helping you identify your dreams and goals, and then breaking those down in to manageable tasks. She discusses how using your smartphone and task apps actually help you accomplish more.

I started making my task list at the beginning of each morning at the same time - before my workout and before anyone is awake. I haven't forgotten anything this week!

I hope that I can continue to develop this habit so that I reach my BIG goal this year - which is to write an eBook! I make sure I include one to two tasks per day that will PUSH me towards that goal.

More organization means less stress. More goal setting and action creates dreams that come true. Will you join me on this journey? You can sign up for free below!

http://www.chalenejohnson.com/30daychallenge/members/

How using cash helps you get out of debt

During our debt free journey, I have had a lot of people ask me what changes we have made. While  changes have really added up over time, the one big change we made after creating a budget is using the cash envelope system!

If you are a Dave Ramsey fan, you have heard him speak about this method multiple times. In a world where we are used to swiping a card for our purchases (debit or credit), it is hard to fathom that people still know how to use and count cash.

Have you ever made a large purchase with cash? It is hard, isn't it? You have to really think about that purchase because once you make it, the cash is gone. Using cash also helps with your budget too. Once you withdraw cash when you get paid and put it into the envelopes, it is accounted for as a line item in your budget.

If you are interested in getting started, here are some helpful tips based on our experience.

1. Develop your cash categories. Look at your spending and see what spending trends you have. Once you do that, you will be able to eliminate excessive spending and identify categories which will become your basics. Every person or family will be different, but our categories include:

• Groceries (this also includes household items such as detergents, toilet paper, etc.)
• Clothing.
• Household (for minor repairs or new furniture, etc.).
• Entertainment (for nights out or in with your significant other or family).
• Holiday (birthdays, Halloween, and Christmas).
• Dining out (family meals or date nights at restaurants).
• "Fun money" (cash that you can spend on meals with friends or anything not identified in the categories above for yourself. It's your money to have fun with!)

2. Assign amounts to each category. Look at your trends in spending for each category and assign amounts to each. This will be difficult to do because you will need to cut back from each category to really make progress in paying down your debt. For example, most of our categories are $50 every two weeks with the exception of the grocery category (which is more). This will really force you to look at where you spend your money.

3. Put your cash in an envelope and label each category. No, seriously - this is what you do! We have ours labeled in an organizer. It is pretty simple and basic, and you get used to it over time. Once you spend what is in that category, it is gone until the next payday. It really forces you to become mindful of your spending choices.

4. Adjust your categories as needed. After a few months of spending, you may notice that you do not have enough in one category. Maybe you have taken out of one category (after talking to your spouse of course) to pay for something out of another category. This is a sign that you need to adjust your amounts. This could change several times depending on where you are at each point in life. For example, with growing kids we should adjust our clothing category accordingly. This isn't a reason to spend more, but is designed to help you focus on what you need.

5. Save up for something within each category. This is one thing I love about the cash envelopes. If you want a really nice night out on the town or something new for the house, you can save up your cash within that category. After three months, you may look in the household envelope and realize you have a small savings there to buy something you have been wanting for your home. It is also great for Christmas because you have had all year to save your holiday money!

I cannot express how much using cash has helped us pay down almost $30,000 in debt in one year. Once you are mindful of your spending, you will begin to notice changes. It's worth the work and effort.

Anger is the best motivator

Anger. It is an emotion many of us don't understand because we feel it so intensely. I know all people display this emotion differently. Some hide the anger and let it boil internally. Others act out in a rage.

There are also people who choose to let that anger motivate them and drive change. In my opinion, this is the most productive way to use anger.

I have always reacted quickly when something upsets me. I don't hold it in. I let it go and say and do things that are not always the best at the time. When I do this, I discover that these reactions get me nowhere fast.

The times that I have been angry and allowed it to motivate me to change have been spectacular. I have used anger during a great workout. I have used it stay focused as we work on getting out of debt. I have even used it to become a better parent by not repeating mistakes.

Nobody is perfect and getting angry is only a natural reaction to a bad situation. Anger is healthy if it isn't destructive and you don't let it eat you alive. If you are angry about something in your life, use it as motivation for change. Here are a few steps I have discovered that work for me and may work for you too.

1. Stop and breathe. This one is hard for me. I have a tendency to "say what is on my mind," but does it really get me  anywhere in the long run? The answer is no. Stop and breathe. Think about how to process the information you have in a reasonable amount of time. The time you take to process everything makes a world of difference.
2. Then....get fired up. That's right! Get fired up - but not in a way that  you will react hastily. Think about what makes you angry about the person or the situation and use it to your benefit. Channel it for an intense workout or to make a serious change in your life.
3. Reflect. Always reflect on the situation. Reflection gives us a chance to learn more about the person or situation and what we could have done differently (or what we could do the same next time). Whenever that "next time" occurs (because it will), remember what you have learned and how to use it for your benefit but still work through the feelings.

Remember that anger is a healthy emotion. The way we choose to react when we have it determines whether it will motivate or deter us from the person we want to be.

Small changes = BIG differences!

Hi. My name is Heather, and I am a procrastinator...

I have spent the majority of my 33 years here on this earth as a procrastinator. I've always enjoyed the "rush" of barely beating that deadline or enjoying other things I loved and saving the things I had to do for the very end. I told people that my background in journalism made me a very "deadline oriented" person, and I love to be driven by those deadlines. Deadlines forced me to get done what I needed to get done.

Then I realized that I was only lying to myself.

Exciting? Hardly. I forgot to tell you about the migraines, the panic attacks, and the overall skyrocketing stress and crankiness that accompanied each of these "deadlines." I put off what I had to do because I knew I could get it done, but it still invaded my every thought and didn't allow me to enjoy life.

This not only included work deadlines. It also included things in my personal life like doing my laundry or making my lunch for the next day. I would wait until last minute every single time and rush around in a frenzy to complete the smallest of tasks. I drove myself and everyone around my crazy.

My husband started noticing I often did this, and began making small, subtle "hints" of doing things earlier. At first I resisted, but then I started using my mornings to do just that.

It has only been about a month, but it has made a world of difference in my sanity and in my life (and everyone around me for that matter)!

I wanted to share some thoughts with you, friends. I often discuss how important exercise and healthy eating is to mental health, but lifestyle also plays a big part. Focusing on small changes in your life make a big difference, too.

1. Don't try to be perfect. For me, procrastination was all about achieving perfection. I thought that if I had "more time" the day before, I would do a better job. Well, life happens. Plan ahead and tackle a big task one piece at a time. It is easy to break it up in to achievable tasks or goals for each day.  Perfection is the ultimate time waster. You'll never have that perfect mindset in that perfect place and time. Put forth your best effort in the time you have, and your quality of work will shine through.
2. Use your mornings. I love mornings. I recommend the mornings for exercise, alone time, and working on tasks to meet deadlines.This is my favorite time of day because I am fresh and ready to tackle the world. Also, my husband and kids are asleep so I am not missing out on time with them. If you dread the mornings, try going to bed earlier and having your favorite blend of coffee or tea waiting for you in the morning. Trust me, that is motivation to get out of bed!
3.  Say no more often. I used to think that I had to do everything for everyone if they asked. I noticed that when I said yes to tasks I didn't particularly enjoy, I was running over my deadlines and stressing out about it. All I did was waste time talking about how I didn't want to do it instead of doing it! Say no and be okay with it. My friend Angela is a career coach, and she suggests that you don't commit to anything on the spot. Instead, take the time to think about it and get back to the person. I could not agree more.
4. Take one step at a time. If you have a big deadline or goal to reach, break it up in to achievable tasks. In order to make the journey, you must take the first step. Plan out what you are going to do, when you are going to do it, and how much time you have to complete it. As you complete each step, check it off of your list. Be proud of yourself for each small achievement that moves you towards your goal or deadline.
5. Be flexible. As a parent, this one is definitely important! If you have an early morning planned to complete one of your tasks and your child wakes up early, take it in stride and spend time with your child. I used to get upset when anyone or anything messed up what I had planned, but then realized that time with the kids was far more important than anything else. This is also how I learned not to save things until last minute! If the task was small and achievable (see #4), I could always work on it later in the day or even combine it with what I had planned for the next morning.

There will be times that we have to crash on a huge deadline or pull an all nighter, but my goal is to ensure that those are few and far between. From my experience, taking the time to plan ahead saves a lot of headache later. I feel lighter, happier, and more in control of the outcome. The payoff is definitely worth it if you just give it a try!

"And last place goes to.....your health?!?" Wrong.

I love fitness and I love healthy eating, but I have noticed one thing. The two go together. You cannot possibly have one without the other. So when I fail to make time for one, I definitely don't make time for the other.

This week, I spent my normal morning workout time trying to "get ahead" of the workloads I had. While I did get ahead, I set my body and mind behind. I worked out only once, and I was lethargic from my poor food choices throughout the week. The worst part? "Getting ahead" didn't make me feel better because I didn't have that work/life balance.

You know where I failed? I didn't have a plan. I believed that if I worked hard to get everything else done, I would have time left for me to plan my workouts and plan my meals. I could not have been more wrong about that. Instead it left me stressed, cranky, and lethargic.

I know we all have responsibilities and I am not saying that we should ignore those. What I am saying is that we should make time for what is important to us. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to feel great every day? If so, make time for it.

This past week was a learning experience. Here are some tips I have used in the past to help me create a plan for myself. 

1. Plan your workouts at the beginning of the week. Put it in your calendar or in your workout journal. Write it down and make an appointment with yourself. Write down the specific time and workout you intend to do, and chances are - you will do it. I have found that the mornings are the best time for me to workout, because that is when my kids and husband are sleeping and I am not making excuses in the evening because I want to spend time with them. Do what works for you and your schedule. Any type of exercise is better than no exercise. Use your house and the outdoors - you don't need to join a gym.
2. Go to bed earlier. I cannot stress how important this one is! I speak from personal experience. All week, I got about 6 hours of sleep a night. Do you think I wanted to get out of bed in the morning? Heck no! I didn't and as a result, I did not work out. Tell yourself and your family when you plan to go to bed and do it. Write it down if you have to. Sleep is necessary. Trust me, I know if you have kids - you may have to make an exception every now and then (middle of the night bad dreams, etc.), but stick to your plan when those exceptions don't occur.
3. Pack your lunch and workout clothes the night before. I love this one, mostly because when I do it I do not feel rushed in the mornings after my workout. I pack healthier meals and know that I am ready for my workout. Nothing is stopping me from reaching my goals, and my excuses for "no time" in the morning are now obsolete.
4. Say NO more often. This is a big one. I am a planner, and I am not that spontaneous. That is okay! You know why? My health and the health of my family both come first and foremost. If I take care of myself, I take great care of my family. We keep our routines and everyone is happy. I am not saying you can't break the rules every now and then and have a little fun, but do it within reason and not at the expense of your own health or rest.
5. Relax! I forget about this one more often than I care to admit. It is good to just sit down and zone out with a good book or snuggles with your kiddos or signifcant other. Our bodies were not built to be results-producing machines 24/7. We need to relax and we need to accept that it is okay to do that. When we rest, we give our bodies a chance to appreciate a good workout or those busy times during the week.

Remember - goal setting is important and so is making time for yourself. If you falter from your plan, don't beat yourself up and quit. Learn from it and hop back in the saddle. That is what I intend to do this week.

Here is to a healthy and productive week!

It's time to jump

"Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must be overcome first." ~Anonymous

How many times have we saved something that we want to do for when the opportunity is "perfect?" Once we have waited long enough, how many more excuses do we make to keep putting off what our hearts desire and who we long to be?

I have been thinking a lot about procrastination lately. Mostly because I am guilty of it. There are a few things that I have been "planning" for and putting off because...well...I don't know exactly why. I think it is fear. I think I fear jumping because of failure. I feel like my attempts will be a joke and will not be taken seriously. I'm scared at what might happen if I go outside of my head knowledge and actually take action.

I read and study books that tell me "how." Maybe this is what keeps me from moving forward. I tell myself that if I read enough and if I get enough information, then I will be ready. The conditions will be perfect and I won't fail. I psych myself up to do something that I truly believe in only to fall short at times. I know I am capable, but I don't know how far that will take me once I step out and make it happen.

I don't feel like I am alone here.

So many of us want to wait until we have just enough money, we know just enough people, or we are perfectly stable in our careers and in our lives. We want to conduct these experiments in perfect conditions. The truth of the matter is that nothing is perfect. Nothing is promised. Life is not guaranteed and neither are the chances we take (or don't take) while we are here.

What we know can only take us so far. What we do will be a true test of character.

I challenge you, dear friend, to take that chance that you have been thinking about and planning for. Even if it is scary, just do something to move you in that direction. Put the fear aside and know that whatever the outcome, you will still land on your feet. I promise that I will too. We can jump in together holding hands. Life will continue on and we will be okay.

Save money and eat healthy during the week!

Americans spend a lot of money on food and coffee every year.  We are social creatures who love to spend time with each other and connect over food and drinks. From lunches to coffeehouse meetings, it can all become expensive. I compiled some of my thoughts, best practices, and experiences while our family has been on a journey to becoming debt free. With a little planning and communication, you can save some money and lose a few pounds in the process too!

1.       Make your own lunch.

According to the Huffington Post, Americans spend close to $2,000 a year eating out at lunch during the workweek. After reading that, this tip goes without saying. Plan a shopping trip and purchase foods that are easy to pack such as sandwiches, salads, and fruits and veggies. Make your lunch the night before if you can to save time in the morning. If you go to work without a plan or a packed lunch, you will be tempted to “grab something,” which can result in spending too much money and eating way too many calories. Think of how much you will save your pocketbook and your waistline!

2.       Don’t eat two helpings at dinner.

If you get bored with your food easily like I do, this tip is for you when making your own lunch. Did you have a delicious soup for dinner? How about a casserole? Was there anything salvageable for dinner? Soups and casseroles can go a long way. Get creative when you make your lunch the next day and reuse the leftovers. If you have the urge to have a second helping at dinner, fill up on fruits and veggies instead. You will save time and money the next day, and your waistline will also thank you.

3.       Pack a “picnic lunch” for lunch with friends.

I have to credit a good friend for this idea! Lunch with friends is always a great idea, so why not pack your lunch and meet up with them at an agreed upon location? The park is always nice. If the weather is too cold, maybe you could open up your house for a lunch meeting. It is nice to get out of the office and enjoy each other’s company on your terms and not the restaurant’s. All it takes is a little planning (see items 1 and 2 above) and communication with your friends.

4.       Make your own coffee at home.

I used to think I was single-handedly keeping our local coffee shop in business with my morning caffeine fix. If you are a coffee junkie like me, this can become quite an expensive habit! Once I started watching my dollars and cents, I noticed I was spending close to $60 a month on coffee. After picking myself up off the floor, I made a small upfront investment in portable coffee cups. Also, I started buying bulk coffee at the grocery store and using our single serve coffee machine. Mix this with a little creamer or almond milk and you have the potential for some great coffee. Be careful with the creamer if you are watching your calories though – it can quickly add up. Do you want to have coffee with friends? See item 3 above and replace “picnic lunch” with “picnic coffee.” Remember to still treat yourself to a gourmet coffee once in a while, but don’t make it a daily habit.

5.       Pack nutritious snacks.

Does your tummy start grumbling around mid-morning like mine does?  How about that mid-afternoon slump? There is a lot to be said about packing your own snacks. Some ideas include Greek yogurt, fresh fruit, granola, protein bars, or sliced veggies and hummus to name a few. If you have friends in the office, alternate weeks where one of you brings a community fruit or veggie tray at the beginning of each week to share. Make sure either of these options include snacks you will eat so you are not tempted to run to the vending machine and purchase empty calories at a marked up price.

With a little bit of planning, each of these practical ideas can make your dollar stretch and your waistline shrink!

"Escape"-ing debt

This past week, our family made a very difficult decision. It wasn't a sudden decision. In fact, we spent a month coordinating schedules and practicing with one vehicle.

We sold the orange Ford Escape.

I loved this SUV. It was the first vehicle I "bought" on my own. In all actuality, I didn't purchase it myself because I had a loan on it. As an Oklahoma State grad, I loved the color and proudly drove it around. After my husband and I started dating, the vehicle transitioned to a fun and reliable family vehicle that we all grew to love. It had equity though, and we were ready to pay off more debt and get rid of another loan.

*POOF!* Just like that, $5,500 in debt was gone along with the SUV.

It was a sad day, but we all knew that it would only benefit us moving forward. My husband and I talk about how one day we will pay cash for a nice, used vehicle. Maybe another Escape with leather seats? Maybe a sports car? The possibilities are endless. For now, we have a duty. That duty is to become debt free and build a solid financial future for our family.

Goodbye, dear Escape. You were more than "just a vehicle" to us. You are now part of the "Escape" from the chains of debt.

Acceptance

My mind races at a speed that I can't slow down. Every time I sit down, I feel like I have to be doing something or that I have to be saying something. I can't be still. I can't. I have tried, but I just can't.

I used to get in trouble for talking in class in school. I never listened. I interrupted constantly. I have to repeat something to myself just to remember it.

I began thinking I had something seriously wrong with me. Square peg - round hole. I must be chiseled to fit into that round hole, right? I must find out what is wrong with me - I must fix ME.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with ADD. I took a test that indicated I had it. The giveaway? I didn't even read the instructions before I took the test, so rushing over the instructions and jumping into the test was first sign (supposedly).

I tried medication. It messed with me. It made me slow down. I slurred my words. Time passed way too slowly. I felt like I was in a haze where my mind couldn't even process entire thoughts anymore. Some would say that it worked, but I didn't think so. I quit the meds cold turkey after a few months and got back to the gym. The withdrawals from quitting cold turkey were hard, but the workouts felt great. Expending that amount of energy helped me feel great. That is who I am - I need that release!

You see, even if I have ADD (or not) there is only so much I can control. I can't stop my mind from racing. I can control what I eat and how often I exercise. It helps, but I wouldn't say it makes me completely "normal" by society's standards.

I have just had to accept that this is who I am. I have to do a million things at once. I have to get overwhelmed and re-prioritize, because that is how I set my own structure. This is how I test my limits and I have learned I am not like everyone else. Society's standards and structure just don't work for me.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because I have had to learn to love that acceptance of myself. No person or no medication can change who I am. As people, all we can do in this life is work with what we have. We are individuals for a reason and each of us has something to offer the world.

If you're struggling, remember to surround yourself with the people who accept you and let your light shine. The struggle won't last forever, but the lessons you learn from it will.

Loss of love

I haven't written in a while. Part of the reason is because life gets busy. The other part is because I just haven't had it in me. We all go through "droughts" of some type at some point, right? Well, I am back. Bear with me as I attempt to water my words in hopes that they will grow in to something with meaning.

This year has been a year of loss for our family. I don't know the reason this season is upon us, but it has been a lot to bear. We lost one of our best friends on New Year's Day, David lost his grandma, and then I lost my uncle.

In August, we lost our baby.

We went in for my first appointment expecting everything to be normal like it was with our daughter. The whole pregnancy was horrifying from the first ultrasound. I had three sacs which had the potential of being triplets. Two were blighted ovums. One was a baby with no sign of a fetal pole, heartbeat, or anything. We did more ultrasounds. We waited. I had my HCG levels tested and they were dropping. Each time we went in for an ultrasound, instead of progressing - the sac and anything in it was deteriorating.

I opted to have the d&c on August 6 due to the risk of a pretty heavy miscarriage given the situation. I was 9 weeks and 3 days along. I cried when I got there. I cried before they put me under. I cried when I woke up and asked "is it over?"

I felt intense guilt. I was under a large amount of stress due to our schedules, work, and everything else going on during those 9 weeks of pregnancy. I was sick most of the time. I probably didn't rest like I needed to. I blamed myself for it.

There came a point when I realized that it was not my fault. Something was wrong with the pregnancy from the beginning and nature just ran its course. As a mother, that wasn't easy for me to grasp at the time.

My husband and I have both accepted that it just wasn't meant to be. It was painful at first, but that pain is going away. I believe this experience has given us the courage to make some serious life changes that has allowed more time for our family. I now work in town and my husband will be staying home with the girls. We will have freedom and flexibility. The kids will have consistency and love. Even though this experience was painful, I know it wasn't the right time. I learned that we have each other, and that could be gone at any time. The timing is not our own, but what we do as the result of a bad experience determines how our future will be.

RIP Baby Timmons. We will always love you even though we never met you. You have given us so much even though you'll never be here with us. I know you have some pretty amazing angels up there with you.
08/06/2012

Keepin' up with the Joneses

My hubby and I watched a movie the other night called "The Joneses." It came out a few years ago, and I was intrigued by the title because I thought it was a movie about a family who tried to "keep up."

Well, interestingly it was something I did not expect. Cut to the opening scene of the movie - picture it with me. The "Jones family" is riding in a brand new vehicle that rides so smooth it is like "riding on the ass of an angel" (as quoted by "Mr. Jones"). Flash over to scenes of Ethan Allen moving trucks moving furniture in to the 5000+ square foot home in Scottsdale, AZ. The family shows up and prepares for the neighbors to visit by answering the door together.

They appear perfect, right?

As the movie progresses, we learn that this family is not actually a family. They are a sales team made up of unrelated individuals with a goal to promote enviable products to family, friends, and neighbors. They are pushed to establish close relationships and become the desirable family that everyone wants to be like.

As a result, the sales for their individual products rise. They receive payment as a result. This is their life.

The premise of this movie freaked me out a little bit because I realized how true it could actually be. How many "perfect families" do many people envy out there? How many of those people want the latest and greatest gadgets just because "someone else has it?"

The movie ends with a suicide of the neighbor - one who "Mr. Jones" established a close relationship with. He charged everything and had nothing to show for it. He sacrificed himself for the Joneses' cause and for a life that never really existed.

This movie really made me think. How often does this happen and how many people are willing to sacrifice their lives - emotionally, financially, and mentally - for the cause of "The Joneses?" It's a scary path that I was headed down, but I realized that there is much more to life for than caring about what other people think. Ultimately, it is up to us as individuals to be in control of who we are and know our own self worth.

Money, possessions, and material things can't represent that - to ourselves or anyone else.

A Simple Kind of Life

I have been reading a book about leading a simple life. This life includes a small, but comfortable  home, one vehicle that is paid for, and experiences and memories that will last.

Why didn't I read this book when I was 27?

Here I sit and this book really has me thinking. Look at how much some of us work just to have "stuff." What are we truly sacrificing as a result? Aren't we missing those precious memories with the person we love and with our children? Our friends? Our families? Don't the hands of time fly by way too quickly on this clock of life?

I am working full time in a position that is not an ideal fit for me to pay off "stuff" and mistakes that I made in my past. Debt. Car loans. Student loans. I had to be the life of the party. I had to impress people. I had to have things in the moment, instead of thinking it through.

All of this, and now I just want to be home more with my family.

I feel like I made these mistakes in my past, and now it is affecting what I want out of life. I guess I could look at it that way, or else I could look at it as a lesson. I read today that mistakes are an opportunity to learn. This girl has learned her lesson, and I want this change for my future more than anything. It's been a lot of hard work, but I ultimately feel that it will be worth it.

I know everyone has their own beliefs on how to lead their lives, but I want to ask you to stop and think about one thing. Where could you cut back to make it possible to have more time with the people you love? I have realized that bigger houses, newer cars, and the latest toys don't replace closeness and relationships.

If you feel like the mistakes are too many and it is too late, I promise that it is not. It is a decision to make a change and do something about it. Today. Don't let life fly by in a blur; instead, embrace the slow motion moments and relationships that truly matter.

In the end, those relationships and moments are all we will have. Maybe, just maybe, we all want a simple kind of life.

Mommy Guilt - Part Deux

Yesterday, I did something I never imagined I would do.

I *gasp* took my daughter to daycare on a Saturday!

The opportunity sounded enticing since her daycare only does this one Saturday a month. I made her reservation three weeks ago and struggled with the decision for a majority of that time. My husband would be home sleeping from working all night and my stepdaughter would be with her mom.

Wow. Think of how much I could get done!

Shame on me! Why did I think that? I thought of how much she would miss me and how I was betraying her. I felt like a horrible mom.

I am in the midst of taking on extra projects in addition to my full time work. It's work that I enjoy, but the payments I make will go straight to our debt so we can get our family out of debt faster. A future of complete freedom is in sight and this is continuously pushing us forward.

The truth is, I got more done yesterday than I had in a long time. Since my husband's schedule is crazy when he works nights and weekends, I rarely have time to focus on anything for an extended period of time due to my own work schedule and the kids. I was so productive with my own time yesterday because I knew I had very little of it. It was an amazing lesson for me!

When I picked up my daughter, I couldn't wait. I had missed her terribly, but felt very relaxed from all that I accomplished and even had some time to go to the gym while she was there.

The beauty of it all? She survived. She was in a great mood from playing with her friends all day and I was in a great mood because I had completed so much, and now I could focus on spending my time with her.

So mommies - take it from me. It's not all bad to have someone care for your child while you enjoy a little time or take time to work on projects you love.

Ultimately, you are doing what is best for your family and only you can determine what that is.

A Path to No More Mondays

I read a book recently titled "No More Mondays" by Dan Miller. Dan is a motivational career coach who has an interesting perspective on work and pursuing the things that you love. I enjoy listening to his podcasts weekly.

Dan teaches that if you pursue what you love and charge for "results" based work instead of punching a time clock, you will make more money than you ever have. You will have the flexibility to spend more time with your family and truly love what you do and do what you love.

Think about what you love to do. Don't you just get lost in it? Now think about a job that you may not enjoy. Doesn't it just drag on? Do you find yourself sitting there thinking how you could be doing so much more if you weren't there?

Now don't get me wrong, work is a necessity and I believe before you leave to pursue your dream you must have a strong plan and have plenty of money saved for an emergency. It still made me think that anything is possible. I have been doing the things I love on the side - teaching, writing/editing, speaking, motivating, and fitness - for years. My time seems to fly by when I am doing all of those things. I hope that I can somehow combine those into a full time career that I love someday.

So now I am setting forth on a new path and setting some goals. I am putting these goals down on paper. I feel like I have been "floating" along, but now that we are making some progress in our financial lives, it is giving us a little more freedom to make different decisions in the future.

I am officially journeying down this path to "No More Mondays."

Dream big. Realize your worth. Set goals. Make your future happen.

Anything is possible.

Stop Where You Are

Life. It rushes by us like a train at full speed, doesn't it? Just when we think we caught our breath and refocused our energies, it whips by us again and we are often left wondering what happened.
I foolishly believed that these times were few and far between, but this year has provided our family with plenty of pain, obstacles, and challenges. From the loss of one of my best friends on New Year's Day to my husband losing his grandma to our daughter in and out of the ER for a few months, it was a lot to process.

All of these events made me think: "Hey - stop where you are. Right now. Just stop. Take everything in because it could be gone tomorrow."

We are often rushing around trying to meet deadlines, schedules, and the timelines. Some of these are from others and some are self imposed. At the end of the day, we are left with very little sanity and peace of mind because of all of it.

Now that the dust from the first half of 2012 is beginning to settle, I am not taking any of it for granted. If I catch myself stressing out or running around, I just stop. Sometimes I breathe. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I love on my family and friends.

So stop right where you are. Think of everything you have to be thankful for. Realize what you're not happy with and start thinking of ways to make a change.

Breathe.

Plan More - Save More!

In an effort to keep up with our debt snowball, we cut back expenses in a few areas. We started with cutting back our food cash allowance by $50 for two weeks. This is a small change, but it's an additional $100/mo to put towards our debt snowball.

So, here comes the changes I need to make with meal planning. We eat lots of produce and lean meats. A few nights a week, though, we have homemade "fun" meals such as nachos or pizza. Anyways, costs can add up if you are always buying the convenient options!

Although we have managed to stay within our budget, I am convinced that we can cut a few more corners to save some money.

I planned our meals for next week using some new money saving pointers that I wanted to share:

• When cooking meals with meats, throw in more veggies, beans, or wheat pasta/rice and use less meat. Try only using half of a package and use those other healthy fillers. Save the other half of the package of meat for another meal. As we all know, meat is expensive and this really will cut back on the bill! You can still get your protein through the sources mentioned here.
• Speaking of beans and rice - buy in bulk! You know those bags that are about $1 a piece and you get four times as much as you would in the can for the same price? With a little pre-planning, you can cook the rice ahead and soak the beans overnight. Just make sure to use both within a few days. It's nice to have it in the fridge ready to go and speeds up dinner prep too!
• Scour your cabinets before planning your meals. I did that tonight and discovered I already had some great items and planned my meals around those. You bought it, you may as well use it before it goes bad!
• Plan your meals around seasonal produce as much as possible. I am still learning on this one, but have been trying it out. Tomatoes and avocados are very inexpensive right now and are very versatile.

Keep in mind that this will require meal planning. You want to cut corners, but you also want to keep your health at the forefront of your mind. There are ways. Eating healthy isn't as expensive as everyone says. A little bit goes a long ways with a little planning!